“yawning at work, asking for a fancier computer, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager |
- yawning at work, asking for a fancier computer, and more
- how should I handle job candidates who cut me off, are long-winded, or answer the wrong question?
- the salted coffee, the phantom pigeon, and other interview mortifications
- how do I build a professional wardrobe when I’m just starting out?
| yawning at work, asking for a fancier computer, and more Posted: 30 Jan 2020 09:03 PM PST It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Yawning at work The letter you recently published on the klutzy, unpolished boss might have given me a bit of a complex! I am a naturally very tired person. A lot of this has to do with my mental health (which I am working through with the appropriate professionals and medications). But I yawn a LOT at work, and especially in meetings. I try to be discreet by covering my mouth and not yawning in peoples’ faces, but my yawns are big, stretch-my-spine-and-fill-my-lungs affairs. Can other people control their yawns? A search of the website seems to show that most people think yawning is rude, and a sign of … what? People trying to get attention? People not getting enough sleep? My yawns are like muscle spasms. I can't stop them, and my body is clearly telling me I need them. I don’t want to come off as “uninterested” or "unpolished.” Am I supposed to be doing more to control this? Help! Yes, most people can indeed control their yawns — often by breathing deeply, yawning with their mouths mostly closed, or just stifling it. Some medical conditions and medications can make that harder though (or perhaps impossible). But yeah, yawning in meetings does generally come across as bored or even rude, especially if you're clearly not trying to stifle it. If you genuinely can't control it, it might be worth mentioning to your manager that it's related to a health condition and not a sign of boredom. But ideally you'd see if you can downgrade them from “big, stretch-my-spine-and-fill-my-lungs affairs" to something less visible. 2. How do I deal with coworkers complaining about their moms after mine died? I have been at my current job for about five years and I’m fairly senior here. I work in a laboratory setting so I work independently but physically close with a lot of people. Many of the people in my area (at least four) are entry-level people who have just finished college and live at home with their parents. The topic of conversations many days revolves around them complaining about their families and living situations, along the lines of “ugh my mom is so annoying/I hate living with my parents/I can’t wait to move out/my mom does stupid things/etc.” I’m not faulting them for this, as their parents and the challenges of living with them are a big part of their lives and I probably said similar things when I was in a similar situation. My mom died (suddenly and unexpectedly) one year ago today, actually, and the rest of my family is fractured, so I’m pretty much on my own. My problem is, it’s getting hard to endure listening to just normal conversations when people complain about their families when I want to yell, “I WISH MY MOM WOULD ANNOY ME! I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE 50 MISSED CALLS!!” Do you have any advice on how to handle this? I know it’s not their fault my mom died, and I don’t know their situations, so maybe their moms really are awful, I don’t know. I don’t want to sound like Yoda by saying “you’ll miss her annoying you when she’s not here” and just generally being a downer, so I haven’t said anything, but it’s grating on me. Headphones are not an option as they are not allowed in our lab for safety reasons. I'm sorry! I know this feeling and it sucks.
But they probably won't stop altogether because that's the stage of life they're at. There’s a good chance their perspective will shift in time, but right now this is where they are. Where you are is with a very fresh and painful loss, and those two don't mix well. That said, this one hits too close to home for me to advise on it confidently. What advice do others have? Updated to add: There are far better (clearer, more direct) suggestions than mine in the comments, including these:
3. My student employees aren't direct when asking for time off We have student employees who ask for permission to miss a shift or not come in, but they are not really asking for permission; instead, I’m guessing that that's what they want. It’s totally fine and in fact expected for them to call in occasionally, due to school/sickness/life/youth, but they'll phrase it as “Do you want me to come in tomorrow?” or “Is it okay if I don’t come in tomorrow?" which causes some consternation among the full-time staff. Do you have suggestions for how to coach them to take more control of their time off? Or do we need to just get over it and let them learn this lesson as a new professional? It's useful to address it — it's part of coaching student employees about how the professional world works, and it'll help them in future jobs. If they say, "Do you want me to come in tomorrow?" you could respond with, "Are you asking if you can take the day off?" When they (presumably) say yes, you can say, "Yes, you can have tomorrow off” and then add, “This is the sort of thing you figure out as you get more professional experience, but the best way to ask for a day off is to directly request it — like, 'Could I take tomorrow off?' If you just ask if I want you to come in, what you’re getting at isn't entirely clear." You could add, "And frankly, my default will be to always want you to come in when you're scheduled, but I can often approve time off anyway — so I want you to ask the right question." 4. Can I ask for a fancier computer? My job is evolving into a management role in which computer usage is key. Currently, I am expected to use a very bulky Excel program for most tasks, as well as specialized software, that takes my old work computer several minutes to process every time I run new calculations. Also, I am finding myself in many meetings where I am writing copious amounts of notes which then need to be brought back to my desk and cross-referenced with information on my computer, which would be alleviated by a tablet or laptop. At the very least, I need to request a new desktop computer. I would love to request a pro tablet or fancy laptop, instead, that I can carry to meetings for note-taking and use off-site as needed for evening work or at conferences. I am assuming that if I ask for a new computer, I will get a basic model one. What is the etiquette around requesting more than the basic model of equipment? How hard should I push for something that would make my life easier but isn’t essential for my job? Are there any good ways to phrase the request so I have a better chance of getting a more versatile and useful machine? Request the equipment you need to do your job more efficiently! Say something like, "My current computer struggles to run programs X and Y and takes a long time to process new calculations. I'm hoping to get a machine with the power to run them without such a long lag. Ideally it would be a laptop so I can take notes at meetings more efficiently since I do a lot of note-taking. Would it be possible to order Specific Model 1 or Specific Model 2, both of which would save me significant time every day?" (If you can quantify the amount of time it would save you, that's even better.) If your manager says it's not something the budget can cover right now, ask if it's possible to plan for it in next year's budget. 5. My manager suggested I come in on my day off to talk about a raise I work for a large company (more than 10,000 employees). I work in the same city, but at a different site from my supervisors. A couple weeks ago, I decided to ask for a raise for the first time in my three years here after receiving consistently good reviews and feedback. I sent an email to Boss and Grandboss about the process of requesting a raise (would they like to meet in person, have me write a proposal and send it over, etc.) Their response was that I should go directly to HR to ask for a raise. This struck me as odd because I've never met my HR rep and they would have no idea of what kind of work I've been doing or how well I've been doing it. I emailed my HR rep anyway, and predictably was told that requests for raises must come to HR from management. My HR rep told me that she also relayed this information to Boss and Grandboss. I also emailed my bosses to follow up. After a week of hearing nothing from Boss and Grandboss, I emailed them for an update. Boss responded that we should arrange to meet on my next day off (I work some weekends, so I have random weekdays off, but she specifically "your day off”). Is it common practice to have employees come in on their day off to discuss a raise? To be clear, I have traveled to their site for meetings in the past, and management has had meetings at my site too. I have to hope that they aren't having me come in on a day off to discuss a raise they don't intend on giving. What do you think? No, that's not normal. This is a work meeting and it should be during work time. I'd respond back with, "I'm hoping we can do it on one of my scheduled workdays since I usually have conflicts on other days. Would Tuesday or Wednesday work instead?” yawning at work, asking for a fancier computer, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| how should I handle job candidates who cut me off, are long-winded, or answer the wrong question? Posted: 30 Jan 2020 10:59 AM PST A reader writes: I’ve just finished up *yet another* interview where I haven’t been able to get to all my questions because the candidates just. keep. talking. I’m female and in a technical field. I am not, by any stretch, a shrinking violet. The candidates guilty of this behavior are all men. At this point, I’ve experienced a few different versions of this. In some cases, it’s very obvious that what I’m seeing is unquestionably indicative of future behavior and I decline to hire them. However, sometimes it’s not as cut and dry. I get candidates who start answering questions before I’ve asked them and go off on some long-winded tangent, finally circling back to the answer they think I want, only for me to say "okay, but what I’m actually asking you is…” and then they go off on a tangent again. The sense that I get is that these are candidates who have overprepared for interviews, have gotten terrible advice from somewhere about telling stories instead of answering questions, and think they can anticipate what I’m going to ask (they’re wrong). And so in that case, I don’t feel comfortable drawing conclusions about how they’d be on the job. The interviews I conduct involve many open-ended questions because I’m hunting for depth and critical thought. So I don’t necessarily mind listening to a candidate wax analytic about the finer points of Third Party Teapot Authentication Frameworks for 10 minutes because that will tell me a lot about their experience level. But I do mind if I was planning to ask them about Fast Lookup Tea Storage Protocols instead. And on the rare occasions when I do ask a very precise question with a short answer, such as a self-assessment of a certain skill on a 1-10 scale, I need that answer, and not a long, roundabout explanation. I’ll ask plenty of follow-up questions to get more context about that number, but first I need the number. Is there any graceful way for me to regain control of my interviews without making candidates even more nervous, and thus, less reflective of their work selves? First, you're smart to be thoughtful about whether what you're seeing is indicative of what you can expect from the candidate in the future, or whether you're just seeing weird interview behavior. But I think you might be putting people in the second category when they should more often be in the first one! Someone who interrupts you, talks over you, avoids direct answers to direct questions, answers your question before you're done asking it (and gets it wrong), or is generally long-winded — that's all stuff you're likely to see on the job if you hire them. But you're right that there's interview advice out there telling people to tell a story as they're answering questions. And it's also true that people aren't always great at judging how much detail an interviewer is looking for. And those people might be fine once they're on the job. So, a few things you can do: * Give time cues when you first ask the question. If you're asking a precise questions with a short answer, say something like, "Very briefly, can you tell me…" or "In a sentence or two, can you tell me…” * If someone is on a very long tangent, it's okay to interrupt and say, "I'm going to jump in here since we have a lot of questions to get through and I want to make sure we have time for all of them." * If someone is on a tangent that isn't answering what you're looking for, interrupt and say, "Let me jump in here and clarify what I'm looking for." You're right that you don't want any of this to make candidates more nervous — as much as possible, you want to see what people are like day-to-day, not what they're like when they're unusually nervous — but seeing how someone responds to being redirected is valuable info. And you really do need to manage the way time is used in interviews you're running because you've got to ensure you get the info you need. It might make someone more nervous — but so might a particularly hard interview question or an unexpected intro to the CEO. Ultimately you want candidates who can roll with hearing "oh, what I’m actually looking for is X" — that's not a terribly high bar. Be warm and friendly, of course — you don't want to glare at them during the interjection — but you are the one running the conversation and it's okay to speak up when you're not getting quite what you need. how should I handle job candidates who cut me off, are long-winded, or answer the wrong question? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| the salted coffee, the phantom pigeon, and other interview mortifications Posted: 30 Jan 2020 09:29 AM PST Last week I asked you to share stories of bombed interviews and other job search mortifications. Here are some of the stand-outs. 1. “I was interviewing for basically a dream job and was asked, ‘What accomplishment are you most proud of?’ I proceeded talked about how proud I was for maintaining a healthy long term relationship. The interviewers didn't push back, but they did seem awkward. I obviously did not get the position.” 2. “I once went to an interview where they asked for an example of a time I'd resolved conflict – and I responded with a terrible laugh and said, ‘Well, I've caused some trouble.'” 3. “In my early 20's I interviewed for an admin assistant position at a small tech company. I aced the first interview, got along great with everyone, was polished and professional but still friendly. I got called back for a second interview with the execs of the company and for some weird reason I treated it like a day hanging out with friends. I wore jeans tucked into slouch boots, which I remember clearly because I PROPPED MY FEET UP ON THE CONFERENCE TABLE, crossing my ankles. I think I was even chewing — and popping — bubblegum. In a surprise to absolutely no one but me, I didn't get the job.” 4. “About 10 years ago I interviewed at a company that I had always dreamed of working at. They had an excellent reputation across the industry and there was growth potential as well as the possibility of a better salary. I showed up on time, I dressed the part and had my answers down. I was excited and nervous however nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. The interview took place at a ground floor office with a large glass wall/window facing the street. I sat facing the window and the two interviewees whos backs were to the said glass wall/window. As we neared the end of the Q&A I was about to answer when a pigeon flew into the glass wall and dropped dead!!! The 'thud' was very faint and they didnt notice however they DID notice my face changing into a look of shock and horror. I was about to blurt out 'a pigeon just flew into the window and died…' and that did come out of my mouth as the pigeon got up…tossed its neck around…and flew away. They turned around to look and saw nothing. They then turned back to face me and said, ‘Thanks for coming by…we'll be in touch.’ I never did hear back from them. Sigh.” 5. “Phone interview for a bank role. They asked about how I would handle confidential information. I gave examples of experience I had with HIPAA info and handling private information and then I blurted out, ‘But ya know, everyone gossips!’ I have no idea why I said that! I'm not a gossipy person! I think I was trying to say something funny or friendly or whatever to connect to the interviewer.” 6. “Back in law school I was interviewing for a summer position at a state Department of Justice. My interviewer and I weren't really gelling and I think we could both feel it…nothing horrible was happening, but the energy was down, and we didn't really have much of a connection. At the bottom of my resume, I'd added that I'd published a book, so as a way to build camaraderie my interviewer told me that she was an author as well. I was excited that we had something in common, so I asked what genre. She paused, laughed awkwardly, then gestured to what I realized were pictures of book covers with shirtless male torsos on the bulletin board behind her. She said, ‘Well, I write romance…erotica…’ There was a long pause as she tried to struggle her way out of the explanation, but since I just kept smiling and nodding what she ended up blurting was, ‘I write gay sex.’ Since I could tell she was instantly mortified with herself, and I wanted her to know it was OK since I enjoy a good erotica myself, and I didn't want it to seem like I was judging the M/M aspect of it, I earnestly replied, ‘That's my favorite kind!’ And when she kind of laughed in amazement and covered her face with her hands, I DOUBLED DOWN: ‘No, seriously! It is!'” 7. “Way back in the day, I was unemployed for awhile, and was asked how I spent my days. For some reason, I launched into a detailed analysis of the formula of the Maury Povich Show. Inappropriate things were said. I just couldn't shut up even though my brain was telling me to stop. Somehow, I was offered the job. I still don't know how or why. I didn't end up taking it, I received another offer and was too embarrassed to work there.” 8. “I interviewed for an internship in college. I really didn't want the internship, but I needed it to satisfy some university requirements. The interview went okay, it didn't feel particularly short or long – about a half hour by my estimation. The interviewer then asked me if I wanted to look around the place for a bit, and I said, ‘No, actually I have to go.’ Looked at my watch and only five minutes had gone by. Her face was filled with disgust. I did not get a call back.” 9. “I was asked who would play me if my someone made a biopic about me. I sat there stupefied for a few moments before saying Johnny Depp. Well – I am a woman and happen to have nothing in common with Johnny Depp as a person or any of the characters that he has played. I simply could not think of any other celebrity names at all in the moment. Thankfully this happened at the very end of the interview (or the interviewers decided that my awkwardness would be a great time to end the interview). I somehow managed to get that job despite it all!” 10. “Had my first out of state, need to fly to another state, academic job interview. One of those dinner the night before, all day affairs with lunch and a presentation I had to do, straight to the airport at the end of the day. Well my doctor ended up upping the dosage of one of my medications, that I take at night. Made. Me. ILL. The plane left at 6am-ish, so taxi ride to the airport around 4am. Almost threw up in the cab cause it was so hot and stuffy. Got the airport, went to the bathroom, threw up. Checked in, went through security, went to the bathroom, threw up. Got some gatorade, tried to drink it, threw up. Got on the plane. Was supposed to be polishing up my presentation and writing all the notecards. Spent the entire time, breathing through my nose trying to control the nausea. …Went out to dinner with the hiring manager, felt way better, was able to eat some, but I was pretty out of it, and it was obvious I wasn't asking questions they expected. I guess they expected more questions about the next day, but I'd done these types before so I pretty much knew what to expect and just couldn't fake it. Worst part: we ordered coffee at the end, which I still needed to go back to the hotel and work on my presentation, so I wanted the caffeine. Well there was this little jar and a spoon sitting on the table, waiter brought cream, so I added cream and sugar from the little jar. IT WASN'T SUGAR, it was totally salt. Then to make matters worse, I actually said to the manager, ‘Oh I just salted my coffee.’ He, clearly surprised, offered to get the waiter to get a new cup. Nope, my poor shredded brain for some reason declined, then I proceeded to drink the salted coffee, declaring that it wasn't that bad. Shockingly I did not get the job, and I have to be the hilarious job interviewee who salted their coffee, stated so, and then drank it.” the salted coffee, the phantom pigeon, and other interview mortifications was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| how do I build a professional wardrobe when I’m just starting out? Posted: 30 Jan 2020 08:00 AM PST It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I’m (she/her) going to be graduating and beginning work next year. I’ll be working in a more professional environment than I have in the past, and I’m thinking about building up my wardrobe. What are good pieces to have? I’ve been buying blazers and button-down shirts but when I think about a professional person’s wardrobe, I can’t really picture it. I would also like advice on shoes. I am not a heels person, but don’t know what (comfortable) shoes would still look professional and nice. We covered putting together a business casual wardrobe last year, so today let’s get some advice on building a more formal business wardrobe. Readers, what’s your advice? how do I build a professional wardrobe when I’m just starting out? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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