“can my husband be fired for my social media posts, letting a no-call no show return to work, and more” plus 4 more Ask a Manager
“can my husband be fired for my social media posts, letting a no-call no show return to work, and more” plus 4 more Ask a Manager |
- can my husband be fired for my social media posts, letting a no-call no show return to work, and more
- passive-aggressive notes at work
- update: recovering professionally after an internet hate campaign
- is this job interviewer stringing me along?
- my office is requiring us to disclose all medications we take
| Posted: 14 Jan 2019 09:03 PM PST It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Can my husband be fired for my social media posts about his coworker? We had a friend who is also a coworker live with us for five months. During those five months, she was very promiscuous and was having sex with her married supervisor and many coworkers. She got told to leave when she had sex with my 69-year-old dad in exchange for pain pills. The other day I found a note in my husband's pocket from her asking if he could find her or text her. I flipped out and looked into his call/text log on our cell bill. He's texted her 26 times. He is a supervisor but not hers. I posted on Facebook about her activities with my dad and her coworkers having sex with her and about her getting a teenager drunk and talking her into having a threesome with her supervisor. I also texted her and called her a skanky whore and a slut. Can my husband be terminated for my social media post or my text to her? Yes. In general, it's a good life policy not to call people misogynistic slurs, and especially not to do it about a spouse's coworker. Employers have a vested interest in their employees having reasonably harmonious relationships with each other, plus a strong legal interest in not having their employees harassed about their sex lives. If an employee's spouse is putting either of those things in jeopardy, the employer absolutely can take that up with the person they employee. Whether or not your husband will be fired is a different question, but at a minimum you're likely causing serious problems for him at work, and making yourself look really awful in the process. Rethink your choices here. 2. Should I let someone who no-called no-show come back to work? Thanks to your amazing resume and cover letter advice, I have landed myself a supervisory position for a national shipping company. The job has had its ups and downs, but the last two weeks have really made me question myself as a manager, and as a person. Without getting into details, I had three of my staff of six quit within one and a half weeks without notice. They’re for unrelated reasons, but we were already down one staff member so our schedule was devastated. One of the employees had no-call no-showed for a shift last week, and all attempts to contact her failed. I assumed she got more hours at her other job and didn’t have the heart to tell me. It was decidedly uncharacteristic of her. My boss and I decided to proceed as if she were not coming back unless we heard otherwise. Five days passed without a word. I got an email from her this morning and I’m not sure what to do. She says her phone got stolen on the bus, and her car got repossessed (information that was confirmed by one of my other employees) so she had no way to contact me or get to work. The old me would have fired her without hesitation. I have always had a strong work ethic and a sense of personal responsibility, but I have fallen on my fair share of hard times, and am now very empathetic. I want to give her a chance, but I also don’t want to set myself up for more large unexpected holes in the schedule, especially when there are people out there who want a job with us who can be reliable. I feel like my judgement is clouded by my personal feelings. Am I wrong to want to give her another chance? No. She's not contacting you saying "I didn't feel like coming to work, but now I want to come back." She's telling you that she had a personal emergency that makes her disappearance far more understandable. That said, she could have borrowed someone's phone to call you, so I don't think she's fully blameless here — but if it's better for you to keep her on right now because you're short-staffed, you're allowed to decide to do that. You don't want to ever stick so rigidly to a principle ("all no-call no-shows will be fired no matter what") without considering the entirety of the circumstances — both yours and theirs. You can certainly have a conversation about why she didn't find another way to contact you, and you can watch for other signs that she's more cavalier toward the job than you'd want, and you can cut her less slack in the future if other problems arise … but if it's better for you to give her another chance right now, by all means do. I'd also take a close look at what happened with those three people who quit without notice. Emergencies do come up where people have to do that, but it's generally rare. So I'd look at things like: Does your company make it safe for people to give notice (i.e., doesn't push them out early when they do)? Does it treat people with respect and consideration? (If not, people won't give it in return.) Are the pay and benefits so low that people can't justify working a final two weeks once they have another offer? Are you hiring people without much adherence to professional norms in general? Is there some reason (morale or otherwise) why people might not care about burning a bridge? Once you figure out what's going on, you'll be in a much better position to avoid this in the future. (And you'll know whether you really do need to be questioning yourself as a manager or not.) 3. I suspect the person who got a job I applied for lied about his qualifications A few months ago, I applied for a job with a politician (Ron). I was a regular volunteer on Ron’s campaign several years ago, have remained involved with his organization, had since gotten another job in politics that lasted over two years, and recently deputy-managed a campaign for another politician in his area (with whom Ron is friendly, not competing against). I felt I at least warranted an interview, but didn't wind up getting one. However, Ron called me himself to give me the news and said that he had to go with someone more qualified, but he would pass my resume on if he heard of other openings. I appreciated his honesty and the position he was in. Last night, I did a little digging (in politics, opposition research is kind of an instinct), and discovered who got the job based on Ron’s public staff list. When I looked up the person (Allan) on LinkedIn, I saw that his most recent prior job (and the only one that would be relevant experience) was a lie. He claimed that for the last year he was a communications assistant at an organization where I know most of the people working there and all of the people at that level across the organization. I'm 99% sure it wasn't Allan. Based on the claimed start date and the suspiciously few Facebook and LinkedIn connections we have in common, I suspect that Allan was actually a summer intern and inflated his job title and duration with his department. (This is a field where people know everybody and have a lot of connections.) Obviously, before I do anything I should be 100% certain and confirm with other people who worked there at the time Allan claimed to be there. Even if I am right though, just because Allan’s LinkedIn page says he held that job, it doesn't necessarily mean he presented himself that way in application process. That being said, if one of your employees had lied about their credentials, would you want to know? Would it be credible coming from a rejected applicant? If so, what is the best way to communicate this to them without making it look like I'm being petty? It is relatively entry level so experience isn't that important, and there is no safety risk – just quality of work and the principle of it all. It's not yours to investigate or report, and it's going to look weird if you do. If you hadn't been rejected for the job, then maybe it would be something you could give them a heads-up about — but in this context there's no way to do it without looking like you're oddly invested in something that isn't your business (and that you might be invested in it because he got the job over you). It's not your problem; let it go. 4. How open should I be about my plans to move in the next few years? I just started a new job in a city I’ve been living in for over six years. I love my new organization and finally feel like I’m finding my groove in my career at a place where there is a lot of room for growth. I’m not from the city I live in and have always had plans to move back to where I grew up. The plans have always been general, but now my partner and I are getting married and we’ve discussed that we feel like the timeline to move would be in the next few years. How open should I be about this at work when it comes to conversations about my personal growth? I’ve been told I’ll be having one-on-one’s and group discussions about where we see ourselves in the future and I just don’t know how honest I should be. I don’t want to stunt my growth here, but I do see this as my last job in my current city and my success/happiness at work greatly determines how much longer I’ll stay. Keep it to yourself. Your plans aren't set yet, and all sorts of things could change in the next few years. Plus, even if those plans were written in stone, sharing them this far in advance risks you getting pushed out sooner than you'd want to leave (or not given long-term projects because they figure you won't be around to see them through, etc.). And really, lots of people won't be at their current job a few years from now, so you're not in a terribly unusual situation. You just happen to be thinking about a more definite plan than others might be. 5. Can I get out of a meeting that has nothing to do with me? We have a monthly meeting or a particular project that I have always been included in for reasons I was never quite sure of. My former manager was required to go as it was for a project that she helped start, but by the time I joined the company, she had nothing to add. It was easiest for her to say I would be attending instead of her from now on, rather than say outright that this meeting was unnecessary for our department. Fast forward a year, and I spend 60-90 minutes a month in a meeting where I contribute nothing and do nothing. It’s mostly a back and forth between the other two departments (A and B), with A painstakingly explaining data metrics and analysis to a very analogue team of B. Today, when team A sent round the meeting agenda, I saw there was nothing remotely pertaining to my department, and asked if I could be excused. Later a member of team B came to my desk to reprimand me for not coming, because two things to do with my department came up. One of these is something I have repeatedly said has been solely allocated to my (senior) colleague and I am not in a position to confirm or promise anything. (This element is the only relevant thing to our team that ever comes up at these meetings, and my colleague has pointblank refused to attend them.) The other was to remind me to prep for an external meeting I have organized. Is there any way I can get out of this meeting or do I just have to resign myself to having this time completely wasted every month? You can try! Talk to your boss and say this: "I'm thinking it would make sense for me to stop attending the X meetings. I'm spending 60-90 minutes a month in them, and for the past year, the topics discussed haven't been relevant to our department. I'm not in a position to contribute anything, since it's mostly discussions of ___, and I don't leave with any action items to take care of. If it's okay with you, my thought is to let (meeting organizer) know that I'm going to stop attending regularly, but if there's ever something she specifically wants me there for, to let me know and I'd be glad to come. Is that okay with you?" can my husband be fired for my social media posts, letting a no-call no show return to work, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| passive-aggressive notes at work Posted: 14 Jan 2019 11:59 AM PST Take a look around any office, and you're likely to find at least one passive-aggressive note. It might be the note someone taped above the kitchen sink, reminding you not to leave dirty dishes around, or it might be the exasperated note on the copier, sternly reminding you to refill the paper tray rather than leaving it empty for the next person. You may even find notes in the bathroom, reminding you to flush or otherwise clean up after yourself, generally placed there after someone has not. I recorded a piece for the BBC about passive-aggressive notes at work passive-aggressive notes at work was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| update: recovering professionally after an internet hate campaign Posted: 14 Jan 2019 10:59 AM PST Remember the letter-writer who had been the target of an internet hate campaign after she spoke out about sexism in her industry? Here’s the update. Last we talked, I’d left my company and gone back to freelancing. I found a lot of support in that area and the majority of employers were sympathetic to what had happened to me. I even made a few contacts from companies that reached out specifically because they’d heard my story and wanted someone with my point of view on a project! So that was great to hear. Last year I applied to be a guest speaker at a prestigious convention in the industry and was accepted. I was nervous about making a public appearance, but I really wanted to do it and had a lot of support from friends and colleagues. A few people from the group that harassed me complained to the organization when the guest lineup was announced, but the convention ignored them. I worried someone might show up at my panels and confront me, but no one did–it was a really positive and wonderful experience! This year I made the decision to get away from freelancing for totally unrelated reasons. I was feeling a lack of growth and wanted to pursue my own projects instead of working for other people. I stopped taking freelance contracts and wrote a novel that I’m currently sending out to agents. I’m excited about it! While working on my novel, I applied for a marketing coordinator position for a professional company that’s unrelated to my old industry. I wasn’t sure whether to mention my experience during the interview process, so I decided to play it by ear. During the interview, the owner asked me about my previous industry, with very specific questions like “did you find it a welcoming industry for women?” and “did you encounter any sexism?” I suspected she had Googled me and so I said, well yes actually, and told her the whole story. She admitted she *had* Googled me and admired how I had dealt with the harassment. I wound up getting the job! Every now and then I still get upset over what happened. A few weeks ago I was trying to remember the name of a project I worked on and Googled myself and a whole bunch of horrible old articles came up. So there’s still some personal fallout I have to deal with, but most of the time I pick myself up and carry on. Still, it’s a bad feeling to know all the lies and slurs written about me are still out there “somewhere” and if I went digging I could find them. To summarize: working to publish a novel in the field I love, plus a day job with great hours and good pay, and getting tons of experience in the professional marketing field. Take that, trolls! update: recovering professionally after an internet hate campaign was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| is this job interviewer stringing me along? Posted: 14 Jan 2019 09:30 AM PST A reader writes: Almost two months ago, I applied and interviewed for a position with a company I have a real interest in working with. I did not get that job as they said they needed someone with more experience for that niche role, but they instead considered my application for another position that opened up that they thought I might be a better fit for, and I agreed too. So I interviewed for that position, only to find out that they ended up taking someone with “more experience.” They are now asking me to interview this time for a third position that is available. I appreciate the fact they think I might fit into their company culture, but I am starting to feel like I am getting the run-around. I don’t want to be ungrateful or picky and I am still interested in the company, but this will be the fifth time in two months that I am going in for an interview and for the third role. It’s also a role that I am not as excited about as the other two that I didn’t get. I’m a little tired of being told I would be a “great fit” and then getting passed around from each department. Given that it’s a role that I am less thrilled about and that they keep bringing me in but not hiring me, do you think this is a reflection on the company? Or on me? It’s a very niche industry that I have worked in a long time already, and yes, I know it’s a competitive market overall out there, but twice now I’ve been declined and passed over. If the third time’s a charm and I get this position, should I take it at this point and hope the position works out? And if I don’t get it, should I just cut my losses and forget about them in case they come knocking a fourth time? They have been prompt in getting back to me all these times, which I have been impressed with, but is this unusual to be passed on like this over and over? I have been out of work for two months and don’t know if by the way the company is running things, if I should keep looking when and if they do hire me, or take it since I need a job ASAP. I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I'm revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago. You can read it here. is this job interviewer stringing me along? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my office is requiring us to disclose all medications we take Posted: 14 Jan 2019 07:59 AM PST A reader writes: I work for a small office (around 20 people) with a director who has a tendency towards micromanagement and distrust of employees — think paranoia that people are constantly trying to get out of doing “enough” work. The director recently announced a new policy requiring employees to disclose prescription and over-the-counter drugs for existing medical conditions “if the the drugs may have side effects that could affect job performance” (full text below). For context, I work in a desk job in the nonprofit sector, not construction or anything to do with public safety. This really freaks me out! It seems to me that basically all medications could have side effects that could affect job performance. Even basic painkillers can cause dizziness, headaches, etc. I have a chronic health condition that I would prefer not to disclose the details of, as I worry that my supervisor and director will judge my performance based on this knowledge of my medical history. If I reveal the numerous medications I take, which of course have potential side effects, it will be obvious what my condition is. I’m also concerned they will see me as potentially expensive to insure even though my condition is in remission and well managed. We have no HR and no there are functionally no boundaries between my supervisor and the director. Is this a normal policy? Am I overreacting to this? Full text: “Company X’s employees are prohibited from the misuse or abuse of prescription and over-the-counter (OTC) drugs. Employees who are using prescribed or OTC drugs for existing medical conditions must inform the Executive Director of such treatment to discuss the necessity of temporary alteration of job duties if, and only if, the drugs may have side effects that could affect job performance." Uh, no. It's not normal, it's not legal, and you're not overreacting. Calling this a huge overstep doesn't even begin to get at how utterly batshit insane it is. Perhaps they'd also like you to disclose everything going on in your personal life that could feasibly make you 5% less attentive at work that day, or whenever you were up late having sex the night before because you might be sleepy at work the next day, or a full accounting of what you've eaten this week in case you're not getting sufficient nourishment for your brain to be at maximum capacity. But let's go back to the "not legal" part of this, since that's what you can raise to get this halted. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) prohibits employers from asking employee medical questions (including asking about medications) unless it's job-related and consistent with business necessity. Your ridiculous employer might try to argue that they're asking out of business necessity, but that won't fly. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which interprets and enforces the ADA, says that to require disclosure, (1) the employer must be one that affects public safety, (2) the employee must be in a position affecting public safety, and (3) the nature of the medication required to be reported must be one that affects the employee's ability to perform their essential functions, resulting in a direct threat to safety. In other words, your employer doesn't qualify. The penalties to an employer breaking this law are monetary settlements, policy changes, and ongoing monitoring by the EEOC. So, I'd recommend saying this to your director: "We actually can't do this — it's illegal under federal law. The EEOC and the Americans with Disabilities Act prohibit employers from requiring employees to disclose medications unless they work in public safety, and even then there are a bunch of restrictions on it. There are serious monetary penalties for breaking that law, along with ongoing scrutiny from the EEOC. We could get in a lot of trouble if we don't revoke this immediately." You should also tell your coworkers about the law, so that they're armed with the same information as you are. I'm betting that this is the tip of the iceberg of mismanagement and possibly illegal behavior in your office, and I hope you're actively trying to get out. my office is requiring us to disclose all medications we take was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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