“my clothes are too dressy for my new job, will anyone deal with my awful boss, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

my clothes are too dressy for my new job, will anyone deal with my awful boss, and more
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my clothes are too dressy for my new job, will anyone deal with my awful boss, and more

Posted: 13 Nov 2018 09:03 PM PST

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My clothes are too dressy for my new job

In the last year, I have started a different job where the general attire around the office is much more business casual than my previous position. I don’t have a lot of money, but I had built up a small professional wardrobe that I feel is too fancy for the culture of my new workplace.

My wardrobe has a combination of pencil skirts, suit pants, blazers, and silk tops. People in my office wear more dark denim and button downs, or black pants with put together tops, but less dressy than what I wear. Other clothing I own is much too casual (i.e., shorts, sweats, and tank tops) or has holes or wear in it. I can’t really afford to replace things at this point, but I am worried about being overdressed. I I feel like I am standing out in a way that makes me not fit in with the workplace culture, but since I can’t afford to replace it, I don’t know what to do.

I am assuming it is better to err on the side of too fancy than too casual, but I mostly just wish I had the ability to finance a wardrobe that was in between. Since I don’t at this time, what is your suggestion? Should I say anything about it? Or just keep being overdressed and hope it’s okay until I figure something out?

Well … if you were showing up every day in a three-piece suit while everyone else was in jeans and button-downs, that would be one thing. But a pencil skirt and a silk top isn't as much of a disparity with what it sounds like others are wearing. It's definitely a notch or two more formal, yes, but not weirdly so.

That said, can you buy a couple of inexpensive items to dress down the rest of your wardrobe? A couple of cotton tops and one or two pairs of non-suit pants could make it a lot easier to bring your outfits down in formality, and could be paired with the stuff you already have. Sometimes “can't afford to replace it” means "I can't afford to buy really nice stuff" but doesn't preclude a trip to Old Navy or getting a few $7 shirts from thredUP, and if that's the case I think that's your best bet. But other times, it means "I literally cannot afford that $7 shirt," in which case these suggestions won't work for you and I’d just dress down your current stuff to whatever extent you can and don't worry too much about it. It's very likely that you just look like someone who likes dressing a bit more nicely.

And if anyone ever comments on you always being dressed up, it's fine to say, "Yeah, my old job was much dressier so I'm used to it, but I'm looking forward to buying some new stuff at some point."

2. Is my organization likely to deal with my awful director?

My supervisor has been reported to HR three different sets of times by several people on our team, including myself. Each time HR has been very helpful and his boss, our executive director, has spoken to him about his behavior. He has not improved. His behavior gets better for a time but he always backslides. There have been changes in his behavior, but it's still pretty bad. He no longer yells at us or uses a mean tone, but he also no longer does any work at all and gives us the silent treatment. He shows off our work to other managers and makes it sound as if he's helping even though he's actually making everything worse and harder to do.

My question is — is my faith in the system misplaced? I've spoken up and reported him even though he's proven to be vindictive in the hopes that things would improve. But it's been nine months since the first instance and I'm wondering if documenting someone in preparation to fire them takes this much time or if it's a sign that management is valuing keeping him and working with him over the people in the department.

Background/other info — I work for an organization with about 50 employees. We have an executive director, six directors who supervise the various departments. One department is big and has three managers under their director, and the rest of us are staff. My supervisor is a director with six staff that report directly to him.

It's good that they talked to him about his behavior and apparently were stern enough about it that he got better for a time and has stopped yelling and changed his tone. It's not good that he no longer does any work at all and is giving you the silent treatment. Does HR and your ED know about those things? Have you gone back and said, "Here's what's happening now"? If you haven't, you should. They've shown you that they'll take feedback seriously, and you may just need to provide more of it.

But if they do know what's going on now and they've known for a while, then that's not promising. It's possible that they are indeed working on a longer-term plan, but there's no reason it should take this long. It's also possible that they've done as much as they're willing to do to address it, and that they're satisfied with "no longer yells." It's hard to say without knowing more. But if your sense is that you're highly valued and have some standing there, one option is to say something like, "Things are still quite bad on our team. Can you give me a sense of whether it's being addressed behind the scenes, or whether things are likely remain more or less where they are now?" They won't necessarily give you a direct answer to that, but you're likely to get some sense of whether this is still something they're actively concerned about and willing to intervene on.

3. Executive wants me to repay him now for expenses that haven’t come through yet

About a month ago, two colleagues and I planned a team building event that involved a pub crawl (very much in line with my company’s “work hard, play hard” culture). My manager, a C-level executive, gave us all cash to pay for drinks. In total, I paid about $150 for cocktails for eight staff members.

After the event was over, my manager asked that we expense those drinks to him and then reimburse him the cash he had given us. The logic, which does makes sense to me, is that he would otherwise need to submit receipts to his boss (the CEO) for scrutinizing. Our CEO agreed to the budget for the team building event, but he’s been known to change his mind on reimbursements last minute if he thinks the spending is too lavish, so my boss wants to avoid the risk that nothing would get expensed in the end.

The problem I’m facing is this: our accounting team is notorious for taking weeks to process expenses, and because of my 60-hour-a-week schedule I just managed to submit my expenses last week (four weeks after the event). My manager, however, wants his $150 now. Rather than wait for me to receive the expenses back in my account before transferring them to him, he has asked me to reimburse him now and absorb the deficit on my end until such a time as the accounting department processes my expenses. This is what the other two people who organized the event with me have apparently already done with their expenses.

Here’s the thing: Aside from the fact that the money was never actually mine to begin with (he gave it to me to pay for drinks for the team and then asked me to expense them), I simply don’t have the money to absorb these costs so close to the holidays. I have talked to him before about a raise and he said we could first discuss it next March, so he knows money is tight for me. I also know he takes home six times what I earn (I’m responsible for the payroll). I just feel a little uncomfortable with the request, and I’m wondering what I can say to him to make it clear that it’s not an option for me, a junior employee, to spot a CXO for money he gave the entire team that I offered to reimburse on his behalf. Any ideas on what I could say?

So he fronted the money, then decided he wants it back immediately and so you'll have to front the money instead, even though you never agreed to do that? At best, that's an incredibly thoughtless move. Why does his desire to get his money back faster trump your desire not to float your own money to make that happen? This isn't that difference from if he'd gone on a business trip, paid for his hotel, and then come back and told you, "Hey, give me $200 to cover what I paid for my hotel until Accounting comes through with my reimbursement.”

Anyway, say this: "I can't float the money; my budget is too tight right now. But I've submitted for your reimbursement and hopefully it'll come through soon."

And if he keeps pushing: "Sorry for the confusion here. I can't afford to front $150 right now, even though it'll get reimbursed eventually. I'm not in a financial position to be able to do that."

Also, your manager is being a bit of an ass here.

4. What to say when someone mistakes me for my predecessor

I’d appreciate your advice on a small networking problem. I’m a young woman working in a very male-dominated field (as in I’m the only woman in my job in the nearest five counties). I “inherited” my position from another young woman, Lucinda, who moved out of state. Lucinda shared a few physical characteristics with me like race and hair length but otherwise looked and sounded very different. Every so often, I’ll run into someone from Lucinda’s network who mistakes me for her. I’m not assuming anything … they’ll actually greet me by her name and ask questions about things from her life. This doesn’t happen to my male coworkers.

Lucinda is highly skilled and had/has a great reputation in our region, so it’s definitely not insulting to be compared to her! The problem is I’d like to network with these people, and I don’t know how to correct them without making things awkward. How do I tell them they’ve got the wrong gal?

"Oh, it's actually Cordelia! Lucinda is the person who used to have my job."

Since they're people you want to network with, say it warmly and cheerfully. Some of them will probably be embarrassed, so if you're matter-of-fact about it, it'll smooth it over faster.

Also, if you and Lucinda are a different race from most of the people who are doing this, I don't want to ignore that there's likely a racial element here, which adds another dimension to it. I don't think it changes the advice, but it didn't feel right answering it without acknowledging that.

5. I'm training my replacement and he won't stop hovering

I am starting a new job next month, and part of what I have been asked to do before I leave is help train my replacement. I like teaching, so I don’t mind training, even though it takes a significant amount of time. Tasks I can do in an hour take three. The problem is that my new coworker is constantly following me and asking questions, and I do not have time for that. I tell him the tasks we are going to work on that day and tell him what time that will be. Then I try to do other tasks so I can get my work done and leave on time (I am exempt and expected to stay until the work is done). He will find me and keep asking questions. I have told him that I do not have time to train him right then and am on a tight schedule and he doesn’t seem to understand. I am more than happy to answer questions while I am training him, but it is extremely disruptive when he expects me to be on call for training all day long.

After I repeatedly tell him that I do not have time to answer his questions, he will simply lurk watching me over my shoulder and sometimes getting too close for my comfort. It is getting to the point where I feel creeped out every time I see him and I am afraid that is going to affect how well I train him because all I want to do is stay as far away as possible. Is this normal? How can I politely tell him to back off? I have tried reiterating the time we are going to meet for training and say that I will come and find him, but he doesn’t leave.

Nope, it's not normal. The problem here isn't so much that he's around too much and asking questions (although that's not ideal); it's that you have directly told him that you don't have time to talk to him then and he's not leaving. That's bizarre.

Have you been really, really direct? Sometimes people say "I told him X" and then it turns out they they sort of hinted as X without saying it outright. And there's a difference between "I don't have time to talk right now because I'm on a tight schedule" and "I cannot speak with you right now and I need you to leave my office." Most people will respect the first one, but other people will need to hear the second one before they get it.

So if you haven't yet been really direct, say this the next time it happens: "I cannot talk with you right now. I need to focus without interruption. We can talk at our next training meeting, which is at 4:00 today. You should assume I'm not free to speak until then.”

If he doesn't leave when you say that, then you say: "Please go back to your desk now since I need to return to this work." That might feel weirdly heavy-handed to say to a peer, but you're training him; you actually have some authority to give him direction. (And frankly, even if you didn't, it's okay to tell someone they need to leave when they're bothering you.)

If that doesn't work, then he's being outrageously inappropriate, and you can respond accordingly: "I asked you to leave so I can work and you're still here. I really need you to leave my office now." That might feel rude, but it's not. It's a reasonable response to incredibly rude behavior by him.

If that doesn't do the trick, then you're dealing with someone whose behavior is alarming enough that you'd need to tell your boss what's going on. (You may even want to do that one step earlier.)

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