“I had a fling with my boss’s son; pink, scented resumes; and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager |
- I had a fling with my boss’s son; pink, scented resumes; and more
- my coworker has started faking a British accent
- can I ask if a coworker will be fired?
- can I tell a recruiter how rude it was to ghost me after my interview?
| I had a fling with my boss’s son; pink, scented resumes; and more Posted: 30 May 2018 09:03 PM PDT It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I had a fling with my boss's son Within the last two months, I got a new job in my hometown and moved back there. I've been at my job about a month now and LOVE it. It's a great culture fit and I really enjoy the work. However, I've run into a little snag. I went to lunch with my boss (Dwight) and my boss's boss (Pam). I hadn't spent a lot of time with Pam previously, so we were chatting more about our personal lives. Pam is much older than I am, close to my mom's age, and was mentioning that her son just moved to a different city for a new job as well. Through this discussion, I came to realize that I had a very brief fling with her son about two years ago. I'm assuming she does not know this (and I intend to keep it that way!) but I now feel supremely awkward around her. Should I just try to put it out of my mind? Any advice on how to compartmentalize this rather embarrassing situation? Yep, try to put it out of your mind! There's a good chance that it'll never come up between her and her son, and if it does, she'll probably assume that you still haven't made the connection yourself. It doesn't have to be a big deal! People have flings, and this was long before she was your boss. Also, it might help to de-sexualize it in your head — reframe it to yourself as “I hung out for a bit with Pam's son, long before I worked for her." And in fact, if it ever does come up, that's how you could frame it to her too: "Oh, we hung out a few times! How funny — small world.” (Also, it feels like this has to have been the plot of a Kate Hudson movie at some point.) 2. Should I tell my boss my coworker doesn't really need two weeks out for surgery? I have a coworker who is consistently out of office. She yearly takes more time than is allotted, even though she has 30 years and is wanting to retire. Is it wrong of me to expect her to show up? My boss doesn't seem to be addressing it even though I've complained because her workload falls on me routinely — and our workloads as it is are vastly different. (I'd say my workload is at minimum 80% more than hers, with only one pay grade/title step difference.) Here's the thing — she's been out most of last month and now this month. She took vacation knowing she had "surgery” coming up two weeks later. This surgery has her out one week and working from home one week because of inability to drive due to medication. The thing is, she told me that her surgery is a simple breast cyst removal. I've had that done. It's needle aspiration, out-patient with a less than 24-hour recovery with no harsh meds that would inhibit driving/working. So she's milking two weeks out of this by not being honest. What do I do with this information? If I weren't so sick and tired of holding her load for the last three years, I would do nothing. But it's the fact that she routinely takes above our allotted time and it falls on me to pick up her slack without ever a thank-you (in fact, if I don't do her work say on Friday and let her catch up on Monday, she will moan and complain that I didn't do her work Friday. Forget the hundreds of times I HAVE done her work.) She's entitled, selfish, and lazy. I'm overworked, overwhelmed, almost on burnout, and here she's going be out two weeks milking a less-than-24-hour procedure. Do I take this information to my manager or not? Nope. You don't have enough information about what's really going on; it's possible she's having more serious surgery than what she told you (and just didn't want to reveal it to you), or that there are complications you don't know about, or that you just don't have all the details. More importantly, you really don't want to be in the position of judging what other people do and don't need for their health; it is squarely Not Your Business. But there's a part of this that is your business: your workload. If covering for your coworker is causing you workload problems, you should talk to your boss about that — you don't need to just take on more and more until you break. Here's advice on what to say when you do that. And if your coworker complains to you that you're not handling her work for her, you can say, "I don't have the time to do it. Sorry!" Maybe followed by, "If you need it covered, you should talk to (manager).” 3. Unfair difference in summer Fridays I work for a small company with four offices in in the NJ/NYC area. Every summer we enjoy a “summer Friday” policy where we get out early on Fridays. However, each office seems to have different rules about when it gets out. My office (in NJ) releases employees at 3 p.m.; the Manhattan office releases employees at 1 p.m.! Of course, this feels unfair, and is a tough pill to swallow. Especially when on Fridays, two of the NYC employees routinely work out of our NJ office (because it’s more convenient for them, commute-wise) and they leave at 1 p.m. … so they adhere to the rules of their home office but work out of our NJ office. Do you see where I’m going with this? It sucks to see them leave extra early! There have been efforts in other ways to have all four offices be on the same page with consistency with standard days off for holidays. However, when it comes to summer Fridays, it seems that upper management is leaving it up to the each individual office to decide for themselves, and it just plain sucks. Is there any way to bring this up without sounding like a whiny baby? Should I just suck it up? Is this just a lousy policy and it *should* be more consistent, but there isn’t a way to bring it up to management without making me sound whiny? It's not unusual for different offices to set their own policy on things like summer hours. I can see why it feels unfair — especially with those two NYC employees leaving early from your office— but it's going to be better for your peace of mind to just write it off to "different offices, different rules." You can certainly try asking, "Could we try having the same summer hours as the NYC office this summer?" But if the answer is no, then this probably it is what it is. (One thing that might help in reframing this in your head is to remember that if the NYC office didn't have a better set-up, you'd probably be more excited about your summer hours. It's still a great thing to have, even if it's not as great as theirs are.) 4. Bringing in branded items from other companies I’m starting my first full-time job this summer, but while interning I’ve accumulated quite a few branded items (mainly t-shirts, water bottles, and bags) that I use all the time. My question is whether I should avoid wearing/bringing items with other companies’ logos on them to work. I’m guessing wearing a competitor’s t-shirt to my current company would be unwise, but what about companies that are in the same general field but don’t compete? Or companies that are in entirely different field? Yeah, don't bring in stuff with competitors' logos, but otherwise you should be good to go. 5. Pink, scented resumes You have said time and again that it is better not to be too gimmicky in your quest to stand out, and that you should stand out on the merits of your work. So my question is, given that, how do you feel about Elle Woods handing out a pink, scented resume in order to give it a little extra. Would it be over the top of someone actually tried it? I think it comes across as adorable in the film — but that might not be the right side to present to a hiring manager! You don't want a hiring manager to think you're adorable! You want them to think you're excellent at what you do. A pink, scented resume says that you're out of step with professional norms. Of course, so does a lot of other job seeking behavior that gets rewarded in movies and TV. (Hello, Rory Gilmore.) Hollywood is terrible at this stuff. I had a fling with my boss’s son; pink, scented resumes; and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my coworker has started faking a British accent Posted: 30 May 2018 10:59 AM PDT A reader writes: So this question is … more just truly bizarre than anything. But recently, a coworker of mine has decided she is now British and has been regularly slipping into a thick British accent — very Madonna-esque. On one hand, I guess live your life. On the other hand, OH MY GOD, WHAT? It’s truly impossible not to notice and has been gradually noticed by hordes of people within the office at this point, yet nobody really knows how to even begin processing this new information. Do we just carry on as normal? Is this what life is now? I suppose it really isn’t harming anyone — but wow is it something. To expand on this, though we can’t fully unpack what the reasoning behind all of this is — it feels a bit like a personal branding play. Thanks for indulging! Sit back and enjoy, because this kind of thing is what life is all about. Humans are weird! So weird, in so many different ways. Often that weirdness is hidden and comes out in ways that shock and disappoint you, after the person lulled you into thinking you knew what to expect from them. So it's lovely when someone wears their weirdness like a peacock's plumes, right there for all to see from the get-go. And this is the sort of amazing and wonderful thing that makes work more interesting. You don’t need to worry about determining exactly where it's coming from or why, although you should also feel free to indulge yourself in private speculation (emphasis on private; do not mock her with others). Does she believe she now sounds more sophisticated? (That was the Madonna theory, right?) Has she been binge watching British TV and picked it up without realizing it? Is she in disguise or possibly on the lam? Was she actually British this whole time and it was the American accent that was the fake? There are so many possibilities, and each one is fascinating. So my advice to you: ENJOY THIS SPECTACLE. Another one so intriguing may not pass your way again for a while. my coworker has started faking a British accent was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| can I ask if a coworker will be fired? Posted: 30 May 2018 09:30 AM PDT A reader writes: My coworker, Sue, is painful to deal with. The feeling is shared by generally everyone in our office. In addition to personality issues, she is often tardy to meetings/work, misses deadlines, is unhygienic, etc. Sue has told us that her reviews have been much less than stellar. While I enjoy the work and most of the people I work with, Sue is a substantial drag overall. My boss had previously telegraphed to me (not to the group) when I began working with her that Sue would be let go, but nothing ever came of it. I’m not sure if I’m considered a “superstar” or not, but I am generally in the “exceeds expectations” group, and I would be very surprised if our supervisor would rather retain Sue than me. Even if any action was a year away, I’d be OK with that; I just don’t want it to be a forever situation. While I have not yet gotten to the point of an active job search, it is certainly something that encourages me to return calls from recruiters. I’ve made some very veiled attempts to communicate with our supervisor on the matter, but I’m not sure if I’m getting through. Is there an appropriate, and perhaps blunter way to bring this up? If it makes a difference, I wouldn’t want to make an ultimatum without another accepted offer (which I wouldn’t accept if I was considering staying), so I’m in a catch 22. I answer this question — and four others — over at Inc. today, where I'm revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here. Other questions I'm answering there today include:
can I ask if a coworker will be fired? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| can I tell a recruiter how rude it was to ghost me after my interview? Posted: 30 May 2018 07:59 AM PDT A reader writes: I interviewed for a position that a recruiter brought to my attention over two months ago. I’ve heard nothing from the recruiter even after emailing/calling. I went on Linkedin and saw that the company hired a person. Can I let the recruiter know that it was rude and unprofessional not to let me know I’d not made the cut? You can, but you'll be fighting an uphill battle and it probably won't get the results you want. Employers and recruiters ghosting candidates is incredibly common. It's so common that a lot of people just assume that they'll never hear anything back after an interview and are pleasantly surprised if they do. That doesn't make it okay. It's not okay — it's rude and inconsiderate, and it's especially crappy to do considering that candidates may have taken time off work, spent hours preparing for the interview, become excited about the job, be prioritizing other job prospects with this one still a possibility in their heads, and otherwise be deeply invested in hearing back. It takes hardly any time to get back to candidates who interviewed, and not bothering to do it is inexcusable. But it's so common that it's hard to work up much outrage about one individual recruiter who operates that way. That said, if no one ever complains about it, it's unlikely to change. So on one hand, I'd love to tell you to register your displeasure (professionally and politely), because it would be good for society as a whole. But I'm reluctant to do that because it's unlikely to be good for you personally — it's more likely to be a black mark against you with that recruiter, who won't want to deal with you again. And you might think that's fine since you don't want to deal with her again either, but you might end up regretting that if she's recruiting in the future for a job you really want. This is one of the things that's frustrating about the power dynamics between employers and job candidates; there are financial and other pressures on candidates not to speak up and say "hey, this isn't okay." And that pressure leaves most people silent, which leaves employers blithely plunging forward with rampant disregard for the people who propose working for them, sometimes utterly oblivious to the stress and frustration they cause. It sucks. Because of that, if you are in a position to be able to speak up and risk the potential hit (and not everyone is), it's a good deed to others if you’re willing to. If you decide to do it, just make sure you do it professionally and politely, since otherwise you'll be too easily dismissed. And frankly, no matter how professional and polite you are, you may still be dismissed, until enough other people say something too. Which is additionally frustrating. The whole thing is frustrating. can I tell a recruiter how rude it was to ghost me after my interview? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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