“should I ask out my former boss, employee cc’s me on everything, and more” plus 4 more Ask a Manager
“should I ask out my former boss, employee cc’s me on everything, and more” plus 4 more Ask a Manager |
- should I ask out my former boss, employee cc’s me on everything, and more
- my employees don’t want to return to work because they’re making more from unemployment
- updates: the adoption, telling my boss she risks losing me if she doesn’t hire help, and more
- my employee keeps interrupting me
- my new employee keeps tagging us in negative social media posts after we’ve told her to stop
| should I ask out my former boss, employee cc’s me on everything, and more Posted: 29 Apr 2020 09:03 PM PDT It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Should I ask out my former boss? From 2015-2017, I reported to a wonderful boss who I really clicked with personally and professionally. After I left the organization for other reasons (and he left the industry) we remained good friends. He and his wife are now divorcing, and I’m wondering … once everything is more settled, would it be terrible to ask him out? Assuming he were to say yes, could it hurt my career if people knew I was dating someone who used to be my boss? If it matters, I’m in my late 20s and he’s in his mid 30s, and we work in tech in the Bay Area. He no longer manages you and you're adults, so you're both free to pursue something if you'd like. If you end up dating and people hear about it, they'll probably talk — it's interesting gossip, and people may wonder if something was going on while you worked together. If you're both known to be professional, it probably won't be a big deal — but do know you'll probably have people speculating about it. The other thing I'd think about is what it means for any future reference from him. If you become seriously involved, he can't be a reference anymore. You might be willing to sacrifice that, but be aware of it. And then of course, there are the caveats you always need when you're thinking of asking out someone you know professionally: make sure you've paid attention to his cues, don't come on weirdly fast, assume a soft no is a firm no, etc. (Really these are caveats for all situations, but no one lets me issue rules for the rest of life.) 2. My employee cc's me on all his emails I’m a director of engineering for a fortune 50 company. I receive upward of 1,000 emails a day, with 75% of them for awareness only but necessary nonetheless. I have a direct report who manages a team of nine, all remotely. Said direct report copies me on everything — from meeting response notifications to emails to his employees to emails to IT about an employee’s PC issue. I’ve asked him in the past why he does it and he says he wants to make sure I know what he is doing at all times. I told him that I trust him, he does a great job and it is not necessary. Problem is, he still does it. I need to have a conversation with him, knowing he can be sensitive and already feels like he has to defend his every move, I am afraid it will have the opposite effect on our work relationship. However, I need that volume of email to stop and for me to not be so consumed with it. You've told him it's not necessary, but have you directly told him to stop? Those are two different things, and that might be the disconnect. But this is so straightforward that you really shouldn't need to tiptoe around it. You should be able to say, "You've said you want me to know what you're doing all the time — but I don't want to know what you're doing all the time! I don't have the bandwidth for it; I need to focus on other things and this is flooding my inbox. What I want to stay in the loop on is your progress toward the big goals we've set, and we do that in our twice-a-month check-ins (or whatever). So effective immediately, I need you to stop cc'ing me on everything else.” If you can't say that directly, there are other problems here and I'd worry about what else he's made you feel you can't say! But I'd bet you can say this and it will be fine. If he continues with the cc’ing after that, then you need to have a more serious conversation about how you assess his work and why he's ignoring directly instructions to try to prove himself to you in ways that you've explicitly told him are making you less effective. 3. Do people care about my high school activities? I'm a 21 year-old sophomore in college. I read your answer to the question about college extracurriculars, and have been adding on my leadership positions and honor societies (to be taken off when I get some actual job experiences under my belt). In a meeting with my school's career counselor, she recommended I leave on even my high school activities. I graduated nearly three years ago and had a full-time job for over a year between high school and college. (If it matters, this was my first paid position.) It feels silly to leave it on. Does anyone actually care that I was in marching band or youth group or worked with the local animal shelter? I know I need to have something on my resume, but I don't want to come across as naive or frivolous when applying for positions. Nah. If you were a freshman, it could make sense to leave on some stuff from high school, but you've been out of high school nearly three years. Focus on what you've done since then. (Do leave on that full-time job after graduation though.) 4. My bad coworker listed me as a reference One of my coworkers was laid off two weeks ago due to coronavirus. She was an easy choice because her work and attitude weren't great. She and I were at the same level and I needed a few things from her every month, but other than that we weren't in the same management chain and didn't work together. Her office was next to mine so we'd have friendly conversations every day and I got along with her, but she yelled at her team constantly and wasn't available to help them, so most of the office hated her. The reports I needed from her were always late and full of errors and her manager would have to fix it. Because we were on friendly terms and her manager doesn't want to be a reference for her, she's now listed me as a reference and says two places where she interviewed might call me. I know it's tough to find a job now, but I really don't want to risk my reputation by lying and giving her a good reference, and I barely worked with her so there's not much I could say anyway. I got back to her and said, “I wish you luck finding a job, but I didn't manage you or work with you much so I'm not a good reference." But she said it's too late, she listed me, and can I please tell them she was great to work with. Do you suggest I just don't respond if a potential employer calls? Aggh. I'd contact her again and say, "I'm really not able to provide a good reference, and you'd be better off giving them another name." You're not obligated to spell out why, but if you wanted to, you could say, "You've put me in an awkward situation. If I talked to a reference checker, I'd have to be honest and say that the work I got from you was usually late and had a lot of errors, and I used to hear you yelling at your team. I don't want to harm your chances and I can try to ignore their calls if they contact me, but if they reach me, I can't lie. So it would be better for both of us if you found a reference who's not me.” From there, it's up to you. You can ignore the calls (which sends a message in itself), or you can give an honest reference. Personally I think the constant yelling at her team is worth sharing so she doesn't inflict that on other people, but people come down in different places on this. 5. I might get furloughed — and may be pregnant The nonprofit where I work recently sent out an email to update us all on the financial situation for the organization. It included mention that there may need to be furloughs if certain funding doesn’t come through, though it was not made clear who might be vulnerable for being furloughed. This is not unexpected, and I appreciate them being transparent about this possibility. Normally I would not be too concerned by the situation since my husband is the main earner in our household and he and I have quite a bit of money saved at the moment. What makes the situation tricky is that we’ve been trying to get pregnant for the last few months (I don’t know at this moment if I am pregnant, but it’s possible I am). My insurance comes through my employer, and while I would hope any furlough would not last nine months, I know there are medical costs we’d need to keep in mind during any pregnancy (not to mention there’s a possibility the furlough could turn into a layoff if funding gets bad). If I am pregnant and do get furloughed, what would be my options for continuing insurance coverage? Should I try to swap over to my husband’s (his open enrollment isn’t until later in the year so I’m not sure if it’s even possible)? Often with furloughs, the employer will continue your health insurance. But if that doesn't happen or if you're laid off, you'd have three options: (1) You could continue your same policy though COBRA but would need to pay the full costs yourself (which are often higher than people expect), (2) you could be added to your husband's plan; losing your own insurance is a qualifying event that would allow you enroll outside of open enrollment, or (3) you could buy a plan on the Marketplace. #2 would probably be your best bet, but it’s worth comparing all three options. should I ask out my former boss, employee cc’s me on everything, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my employees don’t want to return to work because they’re making more from unemployment Posted: 29 Apr 2020 11:29 AM PDT A reader writes: I'm a small business owner who had about 45 employees before the COVID-19 shutdown hit us hard. We laid off or furloughed the entire staff, and we've now been approved for and received a PPP loan. Here's the problem — most of my furloughed employees are making more on unemployment than they did when they were at work (because of the $600/week supplement from the federal government on top of regular benefits) , and now don't want to come back to work before their unemployment runs out. It is a considerable difference money wise, and I don't think I'd be able to meet the wages they're earning on unemployment. One employee who makes $20 hourly told me she is making $30/hour on unemployment. This doesn't work for us, considering the repayment qualifications of the loan (we have to use most of it on payroll and maintain a certain number of staff). I also understand that some are afraid to come back to work, due to the continued spread of the virus. While our work can't be done at home, there is plenty of room to practice social distancing (think two people working in a 4,000 square foot place). I am torn, but ultimately feel like I have to follow the terms of the PPP loan, and while I value and appreciate my employees, some of who have worked for me for 10+ years, I am not financially able to let them sit out their unemployment and then come to work afterwards. I need to use the PPP loan on payroll, and I need to use it now. I've already lost one week on my repayment window. I am unsure whether to hire new staff and say "sorry" to those who do not want to come back to work yet. We are not in an area that has been hit hard by the virus, and there have been no new cases recently. Any guidance would be appreciated. This is such a hard situation. I have been heartsick since we were forced to shut down, and I'm doing everything I can to save my business. In order to have a Payroll Protection Program loan forgiven, you’re required to spend at least 75% of the loan on payroll and to maintain the average headcount you had in the previous year. So you have to re-hire staff. Obviously you'd like the staff you hire to be the people who have worked for you up until now, but if they're not willing to return, you can't leave those spots open. You have to hire other people. Otherwise your loan won't convert into a grant (or at least most of it won't) and you'll have to repay significantly more of it. All you can do is make the offer to people and let them know you need to re-hire regardless, you hope it will be them, but if it's not you need to get someone else into their spot. Be clear that that means you might not have an opening for them down the road if at some point they do want to come back (which you could point out might happen once the federal supplement to unemployment ends after July 31). But from there it's up to them. In theory you could make temporary hires — people who would only work until your previous employees are willing to return. But that means you'd be investing in training people who would only be there short-term and they'd likely be less invested while they're there — and there's no guarantee your old employees would return at the end of that period anyway. For what it's worth, this isn't how unemployment insurance is supposed to work. It's supposed to be an emergency safety net to help keep you afloat if you lose your job, not something that you choose over working because you prefer it. That is of course wildly complicated by the fact that loads of people are rightly concerned that returning to work right now could mean risking their health. But this answer would be incomplete if I didn't note that the law does say that your employees are giving up their eligibility for benefits if they decline to return to work (unless they qualify for continued benefits under one of the other new categories in the law, such as not being able to work because their child's school is closed, or because a health care provider has advised them to quarantine). If they decline your offer and the unemployment office finds out about it, they risk having to repay the payments they shouldn't have received (plus additional penalties). But that's for your employees to decide how to navigate. On your end of things, start interviewing for replacements so you don't lose more time, and meanwhile let your staff know that if they want to return, you need to know by (date). Then go ahead and hire. Any previous employee who holds that against you would be being ridiculously unfair. You have a business to run, and if they don't want to come back — which is of course their prerogative — you need to move forward with other people. my employees don’t want to return to work because they’re making more from unemployment was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| updates: the adoption, telling my boss she risks losing me if she doesn’t hire help, and more Posted: 29 Apr 2020 10:29 AM PDT It's a special "where are you now?" season at Ask a Manager, when I'm running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. Talking about my pregnancy at work when I'm placing the baby for adoption (first update here) Since I sent my first update before I had gone back to work after my maternity leave, I felt like I could give you a quick second one now that I've been back in the office (well, working—I wasn't in the office for very long)! Luckily, my update now is certainly in line with my first one—everyone at work was great. My pregnancy and my leave haven't appeared to set me back professionally at all; in fact, I received a promotion and a raise earlier this year! Most people seemed happy to see me on my first day back, and some of my close coworkers allowed me to share whatever I wanted about the GORGEOUS baby I gave birth to—and they still do! It's nice to be able to openly rejoice in my birth daughter's life and at least refer to the time I was pregnant without having to tiptoe around it. Overall, work has gone forward as usual. I have no complaints at all. I've never once wondered if I've been discriminated against for having taken leave or for having chosen to place. I have a really wonderful workplace and feel very lucky and blessed to have gone through this huge challenge in such a professionally supportive environment. Of course, I feel even luckier to have chosen wonderful adoptive parents who are people of their word, and allow me to be a small part of their lives. I get regular updates that are a balm to my soul. She's a beautiful baby and her parents look very happy. I still have hard days, but one thing I've learned in my therapy is that hard days are still only 24 hours long. Overall, I am doing very well and am continuing to rebuild a good life for myself. No regrets. Thank you again for you & the commentariat's support and well wishes. They have been felt and remembered in the difficult moments. This isn't a particularly interesting or dramatic update, but I figured someone may be uplifted by hearing it. 2. How do I tell my boss if she doesn't fill the empty position I'm covering, she'll lose me too? I actually have a couple of updates since I wrote in last year! The first is that your advice prompted me to reassess which parts of my job were truly, absolutely, medically essential and which were not. There was definitely room for me to cut back in some places and my supervisor was very supportive of me doing so. The second step I took was to then email my supervisor that there was still sometimes more essential work on my plate than one person can handle. We had a sit-down in which she emphasized that I needed to use the system in place to send my work overflow to another department (they are all qualified but some approach the work with really negative attitudes that I think had stopped me from leaning on them in the past), and helped me come up with strategies to identify which work I should prioritize doing myself versus leaving to others. Also, at the beginning of the year, I got some good news- that the person who left the position right when I started was coming back part-time to help me out! Her new work is seasonal, so she was only back for a few months. Around the time she was wrapping up, I got the even better news that someone was being promoted from a different department to fill the empty position! Initially the plan was for her to transition in late April, but with the pandemic that has been delayed. However, my habits have definitely improved even without her- I am taking on less work and actively choosing to take my breaks when I need them. I even scheduled some upcoming days off just to take time for myself! I wanted to highlight something that had a huge impact on me, and that is the kindness and empathy of the commenters in my original post. I was unfortunately working until very late the day the post went up, so I wasn’t able to engage as much as I wanted to, but I was very, very touched. I think sometimes we can doubt the validity of our own feelings and experiences, and the support from the commenters gave me a lot of confidence to make these changes and made me feel very cared for. In terms of my future, I am happy with where I am for now, but have started thinking about going back to school in the next few years. Something to look forward to! 3. How managers should communicate decisions they don't agree with? My boss didn’t get any better about communicating with us. In fact, when pushed to advocate for us, they started responding, “I have to think about keeping my job.” I got so frustrated that I got into a pretty big fight with them in a meeting, with me saying, “Maybe you shouldn’t keep your job if you’re not going to do it” which is obviously bad bad bad. Very shortly a job opportunity presented itself and I jumped. The administrators are much more proactive, in an organization that is in good shape (at least pre-Covid!), and it’s like night and day. I hadn’t realized how negatively my workplace had been affecting me until I changed jobs and a bunch of nagging health issues cleared up. I more fully realize that individual workers cannot fix a broken system. updates: the adoption, telling my boss she risks losing me if she doesn’t hire help, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my employee keeps interrupting me Posted: 29 Apr 2020 09:29 AM PDT A reader writes: We hired a new member of our team almost a year ago now, and her work product is fantastic. Unfortunately, she is constantly interrupting and correcting me, even when she isn’t correct about her correction. I’ve tried giving her the floor when that happens and just ignoring it, and also tried just continuing my thought as though she didn’t ignore me, but it’s just not stopping. Is it reasonable to bring it up with her in private? If so, how would you phrase it? I answer this question — and four others — over at Inc. today, where I'm revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here. Other questions I'm answering there today include:
my employee keeps interrupting me was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my new employee keeps tagging us in negative social media posts after we’ve told her to stop Posted: 29 Apr 2020 07:59 AM PDT A reader writes: My company hired a new employee just before the pandemic work from home shift. We were hesitant to hire her for my department to begin with — she didn’t have glowing recommendations and she’s got a patchy work history, but she has experience in the one thing we can’t train on right now, so we hired her reluctantly. It turns out she’s an oversharer on social media and a "list post” person: Every single detail of her day is listed in a giant personal social media post at least three or four times a day, and she tags everyone she comes in contact with: businesses, products, people. It’s unusual. We had about a week in office with her before we had to switch to telework. She was very opinionated about how we did things and doesn’t really want to participate in feedback or training. She’d also go home every day and write a long, detailed post about who she interacted with, what she did all day, and her opinions about it and then tag her coworkers and our company. It was borderline negative/critical of the company that really reflected more on her as a person and less on how we do things. I’m not sure if she realizes how it looks or if she’s just an oversharer. We’ve got a pretty straightforward social media policy — don’t tag us, don’t list us as your place of work, and don’t friend or interact with your superiors on social media (most of our managers don’t have social media anyway and we have an internal policy not to friend our subordinates on social media). That keeps management out of it pretty well. We were very clear on this policy when she was hired. I reached out to her and reminded her of the policy, and I ended up tagged in one of her long, daily, detailed posts. HR reached out to her and reminded her of the policy and that while her social media is her space, to not tag and mention our company by name and to appropriately address needs, questions, and conflicts through the right channels. She then complained about that, with direct tags, on social media. Other than this glaring issue, the quality of her work is okay. It’s not stellar, and it’s not bad. But her attitude is a mess. I’m new as a manager, my team and I all get along and have great boundaries. I’m not sure if she’s a bad fit or if we need to give her more time. Her 30-day review is due next week. Would I be wrong to recommend we let her go and wish her well? Is this behavior just because of the general stress we’re all under? I don’t want to put someone out of work if we don’t have to, but I also don’t want to poison the well — we have such a great and positive team and wonderful rapport with customers that I don’t want to jeopardize. What on earth. She's been reminded of your policy not to tag people three times, by both you and HR, and she's continuing to do it? Twice she did it immediately after those reminders? This is weird. If you're telling her "this violates our policy, please don't do it" and then she goes and does it again that very same day — and with something so easy to avoid doing, something she'd have to intentionally go out of her way to do — something here is not right and you're going to see other problems with her. How are you to have any faith that when you give her other directions, she'll follow those? The fact that it’s happened repeatedly with someone who's brand new, who you already had reservations about … this was not the right hire. I wrote a couple of weeks ago that you should avoid firing people in the midst of a pandemic if you can. That means that if an employee is trying hard and just not quite cutting it, you should cut them more slack right now. If you have someone with long-running performance issues that you never bothered to address before now, suddenly deciding to do it in the middle of a global health crisis isn't right. But a new hire who's repeatedly — and seemingly pointedly — ignoring clear instructions not to violate a policy, and one that can have real ramifications on your customer relationships? You’re not obligated to put up with that. That said, given the pandemic, you might give her one very final chance, with a clear warning. As in: "We've talked several times about our social media policy. You've continued to violate it by doing XYZ. I need to be very clear with you that if you continue to do that, we will need to let you go." (Also — ask why she's doing this! Both because it will be interesting to know, and because maybe there's some bizarre misunderstanding somewhere.) It also makes sense to include the other serious issues in this warning, like not listening to feedback or resisting being trained, so that you’re covering everything you’ve seen that’s alarming you. If she continues after that — after you've put up a big sign saying "don't walk into this hole if you want to keep your job" and she has deliberately stepped right into the hole while looking you squarely in the face and saying "watch me do it" — at that point, she's firing herself. You’ll have done your best to keep her in the job, but she’s got to meet you halfway. my new employee keeps tagging us in negative social media posts after we’ve told her to stop was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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