“my boss blocked me on LinkedIn, boss is giving me bad medical advice I don’t want, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager
“my boss blocked me on LinkedIn, boss is giving me bad medical advice I don’t want, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager |
- my boss blocked me on LinkedIn, boss is giving me bad medical advice I don’t want, and more
- what to do about new hires who quit after their first week
- I feel awful about giving a bad performance review
- our intern’s cube is covered in handwritten affirmations of her worth
| my boss blocked me on LinkedIn, boss is giving me bad medical advice I don’t want, and more Posted: 30 Jul 2019 09:03 PM PDT It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My recent boss blocked me on LinkedIn A week ago, I had it with my former manager. I was the team lead for our small team of seven, and during my 10 months on the job she was condescending, abrasive, close-minded, a huge bottleneck, and extremely high-strung. It caused me to take quite a few mental health days with my sick time, and when she was gone for three weeks in Europe on a vacation a month ago, I realized how much I enjoyed being without her. Things came to a breaking point when one team member didn't do one of his responsibilities — which is understandably upsetting — but she started yelling and berating him and three team members reported the incident to me and how uncomfortable it made them. I asked her manager if I could switch departments, and he graciously allowed the move (he is aware that my manager is hard to work with, having had other people who work directly with her voice the same complaints). She didn't take my leaving very well, to say the least, yelling at her manager for allowing me to move and removing me from all private channels of communication on our primary internal IM system (Slack). I'm the number one performer on our team; I often go above and beyond what I'm called to do and I juggle multiple tasks. I now just discovered that she has blocked me on LinkedIn. She is a 35-year-old professional, and while she may not have liked that I work for another team now I certainly don't think that's cause for blocking a former colleague. Should I just take the high road? Why do bad managers like this exist and continue to exist? I was going to say just leave it alone — she can be connected to anyone she wants on social media, and while it comes across as spectacularly petty and immature (and that she's really ill-equipped to be a manager), ultimately it's not something your employer should order her to change. However. It raises concerns for me about what she'd do if asked to give a reference for you, which could happen in the future even if you don't explicitly list her as one. So given that, it's potentially worth you saying something to her manager (the one who helped you switch departments and thus seems to be sympathetic and/or on your side), "Jane has now blocked me on all private channels of communication on Slack — and also on LinkedIn. Leaving aside the general weirdness of this, I'm concerned about how it indicates she might handle, for example, future reference requests about me. I'm certainly willing to wait and see if she cools off if you think that's the best thing, but her vitriol seems so intense that I'm worried about whether she will accurately represent my work in the future. I'd want the company to ensure that doesn't happen." 2. My boss keeps giving me questionable medical advice I don't want I found out a few months ago that I’m BRCA positive. This is a genetic mutation that raises my chance of several cancers high enough that I need to be checked for them frequently. Because of this, for the last two months, I’ve been averaging a half day a week off work so I can make appointments. I am also planning on having a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy. I’ve only informed my boss that I’m having medical issues, because I don’t see a need to tell my coworkers, but my boss has decided that I need to hear her opinion about everything regarding my health and personal choices. She disagrees with my choice to have a mastectomy, she thinks that cancer is caused by negative emotions, she’s concerned that I’m having a hysterectomy before having children. I could go on and on. Is there a polite way to shut this down without burning a bridge? I’ll admit, I’m very tempted to just say “This is my body and I did not ask for your opinion." Yes, you can and should shut it down — she's being wildly inappropriate and, frankly, offensive. The next time she starts, say this: "I'd rather not discuss my medical situation at work. I'm handling with my doctor." If she keeps it up: "I really don't want to discuss my personal medical situation at work" followed by an immediate subject change. (Or you could instead follow it by a pointed look and an awkward silence before the subject change.) Repeat as needed. If it becomes necessary, you could also say, "I've realized I shouldn't have shared as much as I did about my medical situation. I feel strongly that I don't want to discuss it at work. Going forward, I'll of course keep you in the loop about what time I need off for medical appointments and procedures, but I don't want to discuss my personal medical details any further.” Also, definitely don't give her any more specifics, just info on the time you'll need off. For example, when you schedule the mastectomy, just let her know you'll need X amount of time off “for a medical procedure." 3. My client is always late paying me I work right now as a contractor for a creative agency. There were always issues with my invoices, but it’s not getting resolved. I’ll send an email with an invoice and every single time I have to go back and remind them to pay me. It’s a great company and I’m the only staff not on actual salary, and I’m starting to get frustrated that I can’t send an invoice without having to go back a second time and ask them to please pay me. How can I broach this? It’s embarassing to be in a position where I can’t ride out their inconsistencies, I don’t have a credit card and I feel legitimate stress anytime I have to go back and be like, hey, did you get my invoice? Sometimes they say they missed it, sometimes they apologize, but I eventually always get paid. I guess I’m just bothered because everyone else has a salary and health insurance and they can’t just seem to bother with my pay, or even send me a quick “got your invoice” email back and I have to keep going back to them. I will add, in this office a “read receipt” on email would come across as kind of hostile / weird since we can all talk to each other — it’s just that talking to them hasn’t changed anything. I feel insecure about all of it. First, there's absolutely nothing embarrassing about wanting to get money that you're owed in the timeframe you that were promised it. You could be dripping in money and it would still be appropriate for you to follow up on late invoices as soon as they were late, because that's just how business works — people need to pay you according to the terms they agreed to. (And really, there is nothing embarrassing about not being dripping in money either. If you're chasing down invoices with more urgency because you can't pay a bill this month otherwise, that just makes their delays more egregious — it doesn't say anything negative about you.) Anyway, address the pattern with them: "I'm finding that my invoices are always late and don't get paid until I follow up with a reminder. What can we do so that they're paid on time without me chasing them down?" It's possible that just saying this will shame them into being better. But if it doesn't, I'd just assume you're always going to need to issue a reminder, put it on your calendar for a couple of days before the invoice is due, and just automatically send it every time. Figure it's part of the package of working for them and try to take the emotion out of it. You could also try building late fees into your contract with them. That may or may not be realistic depending on the relationship, but consider that the next time your contract is being renewed. (If it's not realistic, consider just building in the late fee to whatever your normal fee for them is — they won't know it's a late fee, but you will.) 4. Sloppily written emails from a professional contact I’ve been corresponding with a guy who works for a large national bank. His emails are riddled with punctuation, spelling, and grammatical errors, and it’s tough to take his correspondence seriously as a result. I asked him what his role is with the company (I had to — he has no signature on his emails) and he said he’s a "personal banker.” The lack of proper writing skills is so egregious that I feel it should be addressed. Would you recommend contacting his higher-ups to bring it to their attention? They may not even be aware of his poor written communication skills, and it reflects poorly on this brand. If one of my team members were sending emails that were as ill-constructed as his, I would want to know! Is it interfering with your ability to understand him or get what you need from him? If not, I'd leave it alone. If his managers don't pay enough attention to his work to know about this, that's on them. That said, if it's severe enough that you don't feel confident working with him, that's a different situation. In that case, you can indeed ask for a different rep and can explain the clarity of his writing is getting in the way of you getting what you need. 5. Should I make business cards to bring to a career fair? I'm a masters student who is finishing up her degree. I am going to be attending several job and career fairs in the upcoming months and wondered what the protocol was for them. Some websites say that you should bring business cards whereas others say that recruiters and companies are just going to throw them out. I'm hesitant to spend $20+ on business cards if they are just going to be thrown in the recycling bin. What's your say on this? Are business cards necessary for career fairs or should I just bring my resumé? I've literally never once consulted a business card given to me by a job applicant. Don't waste your money. Resumes are what you want to give out — they have all the information on them that someone at a career fair will want about you. If you just give them a business card, they'll have your name and contact info and nothing that's actually relevant to them figuring out if they want you bring you in for an interview. my boss blocked me on LinkedIn, boss is giving me bad medical advice I don’t want, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| what to do about new hires who quit after their first week Posted: 30 Jul 2019 10:59 AM PDT A reader writes: Twice recently, we've had new graduates accept a job at our company then quit after their first week with no notice. Should I say something about how unprofessional this is, or let them learn the hard lesson on their own? Or can we do something during the hiring profess to make it clear this isn't acceptable? It's frustrating for us, but also damaging to them as this is a very small industry where employees move between companies frequently. Burning a bridge that early in their career is going to hurt them badly in a few years either when they try to come back here, or when someone from here is now working at their next company. And yes, it's absolutely going to happen — our entire industry is set up for this constant shift and flow between companies depending on who has active projects. I wrote back and asked if the letter-writer has a sense of why it's happening: The industry is one where each company is working on a distinct project. Some of these projects are flashier than others. My guess is they say yes to our company and sign on, then get offered a job at a company that is working on a flashier project. Where this gets even more unfortunate is that most of the people in this industry aren’t full-time staff, but per-project contractors. (And yes, we're following the law there.) That said, everyone is treated with full benefits like retirement and health insurance. It's just an industry where you get hired for a fixed duration instead of as ongoing. That leads to the huge company mobility (since many people, particularly juniors, swap companies between projects), but also means that it’s very, very frowned upon to break a contract instead of completing the project. I’m frustrated for what these abrupt departures mean for my teams when they’re suddenly short-staffed, but I’m also concerned that these new graduates don’t understand how quickly they’re going to get a reputation for being too flakey to hire at all. They aren’t facing any explicit repercussions for bailing to another company after just one week, but they’re trashing their reputations. That they might not even realize it (and may never realize it with the opaqueness of so many hiring processes) is why we're trying to figure out if and how we should say something to them. You know, normally if someone wrote in asking about what, if anything, to say to new hires who quit after a week, I'd say that it's not your job to teach people who no longer work for you any lessons about their careers — and that if you framed it that way, it would be likely to come across as just reaching for a way to penalize them or to make them feel the consequences of their actions. But given the specific set of facts here — that your whole industry works this way, that these are new grads who might not yet understand the norms and expectations of your field, and that they may in fact misunderstand because they do see people moving from one company to another a lot — there's a stronger case for speaking up. In a situation without those factors, you could say something like, "I'm surprised and disappointed to hear that, since you'd signed on with us, we'd rejected our other candidates, and we were counting on you to keep your commitment." But in this specific case, I think you could broaden it to, "I know you're new to the field, so I want to mention that doing this can really harm your reputation. It's a small industry and breaking a contract is the kind of thing that can make it hard for you to get hired in the future.” Also, if you're doing contracts with these new hires (unusual in the U.S. if they were employees, but normal for contractors), the whole point of the contract is to lay out the terms both sides are agreeing to. Are you making it clear they're making a binding commitment that they're contractually obligated to keep? If not, I'd take a look at whether you can change something in your contracts to deter this. what to do about new hires who quit after their first week was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| I feel awful about giving a bad performance review Posted: 30 Jul 2019 09:29 AM PDT A reader writes: I am a fairly new manager, promoted over a peer who was upset that they were not chosen for the job. This person seems to have a total lack of respect for my role. I have had to grin and bear it, and in an effort to earn her respect, I have gone out of my way to advocate for and support her in her projects. I now realize this was a misguided tactic, and she simply does not like me. That's rough. My boss encouraged me to give a negative review to make the employee aware of behavior that was derailing her. I received coaching beforehand from an outside HR consultant before the review. The evaluation was a step-up review, so my boss was present. He has my back, and assured me that I did a great job in handling the review. But it was not received well — at all. I feel terrible. Plus, afterwards, the employee arranged to meet another one of my direct reports for drinks. I get it – she needs to vent. But it also sucks knowing you are being bashed and hated on. How do I get a thicker skin? I'm naturally oriented to make sure everyone feels comfortable and has their needs met, so this has been hard. Learning that not everyone is going to like you is tough, particularly when you are endeavoring to make the workplace pleasant and positive. The rest of my staff are a joy to work with. This person creates tension, blows hot and cold, has zero self-awareness, and acts as if she's the smartest person in every room. So why do I feel so awful? Do you have suggestions to help me get over this? You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it. I feel awful about giving a bad performance review was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| our intern’s cube is covered in handwritten affirmations of her worth Posted: 30 Jul 2019 07:59 AM PDT A reader writes: We have an intern who recently started in our office who sits near me. We sit in cubes, so you can easily see everyone’s decorations and whatever they’ve put on their walls as you walk around the office. The intern has filled the most prominent cube wall with hand-written affirmations and inspirational quotes, including “I can do this!” and “You are enough!” I will admit that I have never appreciated or gotten anything out of daily affirmations, inspiring quotes, etc. But if they are helpful to you, it’s none of my business. However, it does kind of make me want to roll my eyes whenever I walk by the cube. And it makes me wonder if this intern has such low self esteem that they need to hang these in their cube. I think it’s different from, like, a Martin Luther King Jr. inspirational quote, or that cliched “hang in there!” poster — because those are just generally inspirational, while these are so personal that they invite questions about the person who hung them. I don’t supervise this intern, and it’s such a small thing that I’m not going to say anything. But if they were my intern, would I be out of line to gently suggest they put these affirmations in a less prominent place (or the bathroom mirror at home), because they may interfere with a strong, confident first impression you want to make on coworkers? Or am I being way too snarky? Ooohhh. I agree with you that if I saw someone's cubicle covered with those quotes, it would feel … more revealing than they perhaps intended. And yeah, not quite professional — because it's sort of like announcing "I am worried about my ability to do this job." It's imposter syndrome in poster form. The fact that they're hand-written definitely adds to that feel. I'm no fan of cheesy inspirational posters either and wouldn't recommend that someone wallpaper their entire cubicle in them. But the fact that these are hand-written makes it feel less like different taste in decor and more like an unexpected window into the person's insecurities, in a way that it doesn't serve her to provide to her colleagues. This would be more problematic if she were more senior. Imagine walking into your boss's office and seeing notes she'd written to herself reminding her that she was good enough and to hang in there, etc. It wouldn't inspire confidence. But to some extent, we all need to inspire confidence at work, even at a more junior level. So yeah, it's not great. I agree with you that it's not your place to say anything. But if you were her manager or mentor and you’d seen signs that it might be affecting how people in the office saw her, in theory you could say something like, "I noticed you have a lot of affirmations posted in your cube" and then wait to see what she said about it. Depending on how that went, I can imagine saying something like, "I love that you've found something that helps you. One thing I'd think about is whether you can get the same effect from fewer — even just one. I get how you're using them, but they could inadvertently signal to colleagues that you're worried about your ability to do your job. I want people to have the same confidence in your skills that I have, and I don't want you to inadvertently send signals that could undermine you. It's up to you — it's your cube and you get to decide how to weigh this stuff — but I didn't know if you'd thought about that piece of it." (I don't love "it's up to you" here — I worry that it sounds disingenuous because a lot of people will assume that if their manager is talking to them about it, it's not really up to them anymore — but it really is up to her and it's important to say that.) But before doing that, I’d look at the rest of the situation: Does she seem confident in dealing with others? Do others seem confident in her? Is there any evidence that the affirmations might actually be weirding people out, or might I be the only one reacting to them? If there aren’t signs it’s affecting how anyone else thinks of her, I’d err on the side of leaving it alone and just figuring that people get to be quirky. our intern’s cube is covered in handwritten affirmations of her worth was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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