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“playing a ukulele in an open office, coworker is greedy about supplies and snacks, and more” plus 5 more Ask a Manager

“playing a ukulele in an open office, coworker is greedy about supplies and snacks, and more” plus 5 more Ask a Manager


playing a ukulele in an open office, coworker is greedy about supplies and snacks, and more

Posted: 17 Dec 2018 09:03 PM PST

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Playing a ukulele in an open office

For the last year or so, my best friend has been working in a large open office with maybe 30 or 40 other people. This brings with it the expected annoyances of having to overhear other conversations, lack of privacy, and so forth, but it has also brought a very unexpected and unwanted surprise: a woman who often plays a ukulele in the middle of the workday.

When my friend told me this, I was dumbfounded that anyone, anywhere, could think that playing a musical instrument regularly in an open-office floor plan was appropriate. Apparently, however, not only does this woman play her ukulele frequently, but a few of her cubicle neighbors encourage it. Because it’s been encouraged by a handful of employees, my friend has been reluctant to speak up and complain, but I can’t help but think that there are several dozen other employees being forced to hear it who must hate it as much as my friend does.

I know the correct answer in this specific situation is that my friend should talk to this woman and explain that her ukulele-playing is distracting. Would you, however, like to offer a blanket ruling on the appropriateness of any regular musical-instrument-playing at all in an open-floor-plan office, even when it’s been solicited by a few people? I feel like this is the sort of thing that’s beyond the pale unless it’s done with the express consent of all hearers, but maybe I’m being too harsh about this?

Nope, you're not being too harsh. Open offices are difficult enough with just the normal range of office sounds — phone calls, work discussions, etc. — and consideration of other people is particularly important in that environment. It's really not cool to add a loud, entirely optional, potentially very intrusive noise into the mix without the explicit consent of everyone around. And if it's happening on a regular basis, I'd modify that to the explicit, enthusiastic consent of everyone around.

2. My coworker is being greedy about office supplies and snacks

I am in charge of ordering office supplies and snacks for the office. I feel one employee is asking for too many things. First she asked for some pens, so I got her a set of different colors. A few months later, one ran out of ink so she mentioned it had run out, but I just brushed off her hinting — colorful pens are not essential, she can buy her own or use the standard office stuff. Then she asked for a humidifier “for the office” and when I pointed out it wouldn’t work so well for our open plan office, she then pivoted to “there are desktop models” and I thought to myself that then it wouldn’t really be “for the office.” In this case I told her it probably would not be approved as an expense and did not pursue it further.

Lately she has been asking to order more snacks for the office. I do supply snacks; we are not restricted as to budget but I don’t want to abuse the perk, so I comparison shop and buy occasionally, and I have bought her things she liked in the past. But she has asked three or four times in the last couple weeks for purchases of different snacks. Maybe I am on a high horse, but I don’t want everyone to think that just because there are snacks available, it is a never-ending free-for-all, nor do I want them to think that just because they ask for stuff, that they get it no questions asked. We get plenty of free things — coffees, sodas, snacks, lunches, weekly breakfast, etc.

No other employee asks for so much so constantly. How do I make it clear to her that she is asking for too much, and to stop pestering me to get her stuff that ostensibly is for the whole office, but she really means just for herself? If she wants more snacks than the company offers, or a humidifier or special pens, she can get them herself. I don’t want her to be treating the office account like her personal Amazon. She’s been an intern here for six months and has transitioned into a full-time employee so I expect I will be dealing with her behavior long term.

You sound pretty frustrated with her, but you've just been hinting and hoping she'll pick up on your hints. Before you get further frustrated, you need to tell her directly what you can and can't do, and what she should and shouldn't expect. If she asks for special pens, then you say, "We just provide the standard pens in the supply closet, and people provide their own if they want something special." If she asks for more or different snacks, you can say, "I was happy to buy you some specific snacks a few times as a favor, but typically that's not something I do — with so many people here, I can't really take everyone's individual orders." And if she asks for something special for her desk like a humidifier, just say, "That's not something the company provides, but you could of course bring one in yourself if you want to."

In other words, just be matter-of-fact and explain the situation. I think you're expecting her to figure it out on her own (and you're right that most people do), but since she's not, you can probably solve this by spelling it out for her.

3. My employee always gets other people's help on his work

I'm a little stuck on how to handle one of my analysts. He's reported to me for about six months and I have some performance concerns that I'm working to address. Mostly he procrastinates a lot, which I think is due to not always understanding concepts. But he doesn't ask me for help, even though I have encouraged and prompted him to do so on multiple occasions. Instead, whenever I assign him something, I find out later he's asked other analysts (or even supervisors who are his friends) for help. For example, I give an assignment and then when we meet to discuss it, he'll say, "John and I thought I should do it this way." When I question why John was involved, it's because he "just wanted another opinion." I'm writing now because I gave an assignment yesterday, and after I left another supervisor messaged me that my analyst started asking another what they thought he should do.

I generally encourage collaboration and we're a supportive office but I feel like I can't assess my analyst’s skills/understanding if he's always getting help. I also don't want him taking up others' time, even though none of them have complained to me. But I can't forbid him from talking to others? What should I do? Or is this not really a problem?

It’s reasonable to want to see what he can do independently, especially since you have concerns about how much he understands of the work you assign him. This isn't about telling him not to talk to others; it's just about telling him that you want him to do these assignments independently, and you can even be transparent that because you have concerns and want to coach him on his work, for the time being you don't want him collaborating with others on these projects.

You could say, "I've noticed that you'll often ask other analysts and supervisors for help on the work I assign you. There's a time and place for collaborating with others, but for now I want to see what you come up with independently. So for now, please don't seek out help from others on the work I assign you. That could change in the future, but right now I want you working on your own so that I have a better sense of what you're coming up with yourself and where I might be able to give you more support."

4. Saying no without sounding negative

I’m a freelance copywriter and an over-thinker/highly analytical person. When I make a structural or wording choice, I put a huge amount of thought into which of the many options will be clearest and easiest to understand.

Often when I then bring the draft to the client or to coworkers on a project (not other writers – designers, etc.), they will have many suggestions. Inevitably, because a) it’s my job and b) I’m an overthinker, I’ve already given serious thought to the option they put forward and discarded it for several reasons. I’m not annoyed they suggested it: it’s often a good idea on the face of it, and it was worth thinking through before discarding. But the end result is a dynamic where I am just saying a litany of "No, because then we would have to change x, no because that would conflict with y, no that wouldn’t work, no no no.” I have these reasons immediately to hand because it’s just the thinking I already put into it. But it may look like I’m shooting it down automatically because my response is so quick.

I don’t like that I’m being so negative and shooting everything down. It’s a downer and it looks like I’m not open to feedback or changes. Plus, in some workplaces there is a brainstorming culture of “there’s no such thing as a bad idea” where my responses really stand out (even though the project is well past the exploratory, idea-generating phase). But I can’t see a way to avoid it other than not putting serious thought into it when I first do the work. (Occasionally there is something I haven’t thought of it and I take it seriously and listen! But I’ve had days or weeks to think about it, and this is people’s initial impulses on first seeing it, so they do tend, perfectly naturally, to be the first and more obvious ideas that I also had as well.)

Is there a way to respond to these suggestions that isn’t so negative but also doesn’t imply I haven’t done any previous thought or analysis (ie. haven’t done my job properly)?

Try starting with something positive: "Yes! I had the same thought too. Ultimately I decided not to because of X." Or, "I really like that idea too! I was actually playing around with that earlier, but ended up realizing it wouldn't be ideal because of X." Or, depending on what it is, “I was actually thinking about that but ended up not doing it because of X — what do you think?"

5. Is this interview invitation a mistake?

I recently applied to, let’s say, a rice sculpting internship at a really cool nonprofit. My background, portfolio, and resume titles are all directly related to rice sculpting; my cover letter was all about my years of rice sculpting experience, as were my letters of recommendation; my resume even has “RICE SCULPTOR" at the top. My most recent position involved intensive rice sculpting at a very high-level organization in their area.

But I got an email from them earlier today saying “Hi [name], Thank for you applying to the teapot painting role. Our tea director would like to interview you for the teapot painting role.”

I’ve done a bit of teapot painting, as they would have seen on my website, and I’m not unwilling to do it for the sake of a job, but I definitely didn’t apply for it. I don’t even think I’m overestimating my own ability here when I say I’d be waaaaay more qualified for the rice sculpting position and not for the teapot role. I’m even fully inexperienced with one of the programs they ask applicants to know for the teapot role!

Should I assume that this was a mistake, or are they not considering me for rice sculpting? How can I politely ask which one is the case? I don’t want to seem entitled, but I am very confused about this.

It could be a mistake — but it could also be intentional. It's totally fine to ask though. Say this: "I'd definitely be interested in talking about the teapot painting role, but I want to make sure that that's the one you have me in mind for. I'd applied for the rice sculpting internship since my background is in rice sculpting, so I thought I should just confirm with you that the teapot painting role is that one we'll be talking about?"

playing a ukulele in an open office, coworker is greedy about supplies and snacks, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

update: since I gave notice at work, my boss has tripled my workload

Posted: 17 Dec 2018 11:59 AM PST

It's "where are you now?" month at Ask a Manager, and all December I'm running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer back in 2015 whose boss tripled her workload after she gave notice? Here’s the update.

I always enjoy reading updates on your site, so even though it has been years, I thought I’d shoot a note.

I am delighted to say I have a happy ending! Taking your advice, I did push back about the amount I was being asked to accomplish and listed what I felt was reasonable during my remaining time within a 40-50 hour workweek. I was told that if that was all I was going to complete, my salary would be cut in half. I said, fine, if you want to cut my salary, you can have 20 hours of work out of me per week and I will get done what I can in that time. So, that is what we ended up doing through my end date.

Also, while I was prepared to be unemployed for awhile, I ended up with an amazing job opportunity. I wanted to stay in my (specialized) field, so was applying to any job in this field, even if it wasn’t in my areas of expertise (e.g. I’m an expert in teapot production, but applying for teapot billing). I got brought in to interview for a job in “teapot billing” at an awesome company, and they pulled (the good kind) of bait and switch on me and after my interview, let me know that there was a position opening up in “teapot production” that wasn’t advertised yet, but would I be interested? I literally ended up receiving (& accepting) an offer for new company, in teapot production, on my last day at old toxic job.

New Company has been life-changing. My new boss has become a true mentor to me. Through time (and a lot of therapy) I have come to realize how emotionally abused I truly was at my previous position. It took time to recover from that, but recover I have. In the past 3 years, I have grown, learned, and blossomed professionally. This year, I received a promotion that came with a hefty raise and was also selected for a national Leadership Institute in my field. Life is good.

Two big lessons I learned from that period in my life: 1) sometimes it’s worth leaving, even without something else lined up and 2) sometimes it really pays off to apply for the job that feels like a stretch. Even though I know my hiring situation was highly unusual, it never would have happened if I had talked myself out of applying for the teapot billing job.

P.S. Not that these details matter anymore, but since there were lots of questions in the comments: the hiring of vacation covers was paid for by the company, but I had to find the money for it in my own budget and it was never budgeted for, meaning that when I “chose” to do so, it impacted my ability to accomplish other things–a fact which old boss never let me forget. I was also the only one on the (6-person) staff required to do this. Also, regarding the long notice time, in retrospect, I do somewhat regret it, but the work that I do is extremely seasonal and project-based, so it was a matter of timing my exit between the end of one project and the beginning of the next. It’s generally frowned upon to leave within a season cycle, so I was already risking reputation by doing so and therefore was trying to mitigate that circumstance.

update: since I gave notice at work, my boss has tripled my workload was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

update: my coworker tries to guilt-trip people

Posted: 17 Dec 2018 10:29 AM PST

It's "where are you now?" month at Ask a Manager, and all December I'm running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer with the manipulative coworker who tried to guilt-trip people — doing things like storming around the office if someone turned down her offer of half a sandwich and bringing in unsolicited trays of food and then complaining no one got her any gifts? Here’s the update.

I gained massive amounts of insight from reading your replies, along with all the comments people shared. Loving how the post got such a great public response, with so many people sharing similar stories of woe.

I did try some of your response suggestions:

* In response to tantrums insisting she'll never bring in food again: "Yes, that sounds like a good idea since this obviously upsets you." And, "You've said that before but you keep bringing it in. Since it upsets you, you should stop."

Both of which were met with a very standoffish "Well fine, if that's how you feel!"

After that, she eased up on bringing food for about one week, then everything returned to the way it was before.

The last straw when she bought in some giant green grapes, and stood by my desk saying "let me watch you eat it" to which I had to reply that I wasn't feeling well at the moment, but would save some of them for later.

You are very right that having ZERO emotion in your response is the way to go. I learned that as long as I spoke robotically and had very little inflection in my voice, she would stare and look stunned for a few moments – but then would sit down, and the food harassment would temporarily stop. As long as I stayed mindful of the "no reaction" response, the incidents did start to dissipate.

As for our boss, she actually refuses any confrontation or discipline at all, and rarely speaks to anybody in her department because she does not want to be bothered with us.

(There's a high probability I'll submit questions about issues with the boss in an entirely new post to Ask a Manager lol.)

However, I have some most excellent news – the guilt-tripper has since quit (after being disciplined by the company owner, over a different matter) – so office life is now quite blissful … although I do feel sorry for the next organization who picks her up!

Thanks again for all of your feedback on this. It's undoubtedly helping hundreds of others who find themselves in similar situations!

update: my coworker tries to guilt-trip people was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

can I refuse to put up Christmas decorations at work?

Posted: 17 Dec 2018 09:30 AM PST

A reader writes:

My employer is asking all of us to decorate our offices/work areas for Christmas this year. The decorations are provided, and she thinks it will brighten up the office. I work as an administrative assistant in the front of the office. Because of some difficult personal reasons, I will not be celebrating Christmas this year, and honestly, the sight of anything holiday-related makes me sad. Would I be out of line if I refused to put up decorations?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I'm revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago. You can read it here.

can I refuse to put up Christmas decorations at work? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

update: the men in our office use the women’s bathrooms … only for pooping

Posted: 17 Dec 2018 08:29 AM PST

It's "where are you now?" month at Ask a Manager, and all December I'm running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer last month with the male coworkers who did all their pooping in the women’s bathrooms? Here’s the update.

I have an update on already! First off, thank you to all the commenters who confirmed that our feelings that this whole situation was ridiculous were valid. Sometimes we felt like we were going crazy. The AAM community also picked up on something quite accurately – there were serious issues of misogyny taking place in the workplace beyond the bathrooms (I could spend a ton of time on that but I will just leave it at this). I didn’t particularly consider the bathroom issue to be related to those issues of sexism, but some very valid points were made. Seacalliope nailed it on the head in their comment: “Is anything actually more petty than pooping in a place that is specifically delimited for use by other people? It is literally how animals assert dominance.” Also, I don’t know why we never just suggested that the bathroom be cleaned more often. Seriously, such a simple solution and it never occurred to us that once a week wasn’t enough, for some reason.

Well I have some exciting news that is not directly related to the bathroom situation but a change to the overall workplace which has made an impact. The owners (including the CEO who was a culprit in the bathroom situation) decided to sell the business. The new owners, 2 men and 1 woman, are wonderful and immediately stepped in and made changes for the employees that were incredible. Better benefits and even better pay for people who after learning about their duties they identified as underpaid. Everyone there is really excited! But here’s the really fun part. Former CFO, a blatant sexist who made inappropriate comments and called people (mostly women) stupid, apparently had… a little trouble letting go. He tried to refuse to give his passwords to the financial systems over AFTER the sale was finalized. He came into the office after he was supposed to be officially out and went to his old office, continued to refuse to give over his passwords and his building key (he had the only master key). The only one of the new owners who was in the office was the woman, whom I will call Shera. Shera excused herself from a meeting when she was notified that old CFO was in his old office and went to speak to him. According to my friend there was door slamming and screaming (from him). I wish I could be a fly on the wall as a woman told this sexist jerk that he needed to act like a grownup and get out. After he left they called a locksmith to change the building locks, changed the security codes, disabled all his accounts, etc. etc. It was truly a glorious day that I lived vicariously through my friend.

So in a short period of time the new owners have already changed the culture of the workplace. It’s no nonsense and the employees feel taken care of and respected. The bathroom issue specifically isn’t resolved necessarily, but I have a feeling that just the new atmosphere of respect will have an impact.

update: the men in our office use the women's bathrooms … only for pooping was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

vote for the worst boss of 2018

Posted: 17 Dec 2018 07:30 AM PST

It's time to vote on the worst boss of the year!

We'll crown the worst boss of the year later this week, based on your votes … so please vote below. (Voting ends at 11:59 p.m. EST Wednesday night.)


vote for the worst boss of 2018 was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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