“I tell employers I’m the best candidate for the job, I was ghosted after paying for my own interview travel, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager
“I tell employers I’m the best candidate for the job, I was ghosted after paying for my own interview travel, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager |
- I tell employers I’m the best candidate for the job, I was ghosted after paying for my own interview travel, and more
- my staff tells me what they’re doing rather than asking permission
- people say my tone sounds mean
- my office does “Fat Friday” – and I have an eating disorder
| Posted: 10 Oct 2018 09:03 PM PDT It's five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I tell employers "I'm the ideal candidate for this role” I regularly include the following claim into my job applications: "My skills and experience in X mean that I am the ideal candidate for this role.” I have been criticized for doing this on the grounds of that it is not my place to make such a claim, their argument being that it’s for the employer to decide who will be the ideal candidate for a role and not me. I disagree. The whole point of a job application is to confidently assert your suitability and highlight how you are indeed the best candidate — backing your argument with examples. I find it helps to genuinely believe that I am indeed the best candidate. The employer is free to not select me but if they wish to make the wrong decision, that’s their prerogative. Further to my point, politicians claim that they are the best person to represent me and companies claim that their products or services are the best solution to my problems. So why is it so wrong to make similar claims when job hunting? The point of a job application is not to argue that you're the best candidate. That's something that you can't possibly know, and by definition it will be untrue for everyone applying for the job but one. The point of a job application is to express your interest and demonstrate the ways in which you think you're well matched with what the employer is seeking, and the reasons you think you'd excel at the role. That's it. Since you can't know anything about the rest of the candidate pool, approaching it as "I'm the best person for the job" comes across as both arrogant and awfully naive, both of which are off-putting qualities in job candidates. Plus, in my experience, the vast majority of candidates who assert that they're the best person for the role aren’t actually strong candidates. I don't just mean they're not the absolute top candidate; I mean they're usually in the bottom 50% of the applicant pool. That may or may not be true for you, but with anyone who's done a lot of hiring, it's going to immediately associate you with a weaker group of candidates. If you're a strong candidate, you don't need to give the employer a hard sell because it will be obvious through your skills and accomplishments (assuming you have decent application materials that explain them). Just announcing that you're a great candidate is like just announcing that you're a great communicator: it means nothing — you need to actually show it. 2. Is it okay to take a break from job hunting? Last April, I learned I was the victim of gender-based pay discrimination by my employer, and have been fighting with them ever since – multiple meetings with my director, HR; documentation of my job duties and projects and my hiring process; even EEOC meetings – it’s exhausting. On top of that I’ve been rigorously job hunting. I’ve gotten sit-down interviews for 10 different positions, and no offers. It’s exhausting, and every rejection hurts more and more. I’ve read the advice about cover letters, resumes, good interview tactics, salary negotiations. I follow it and I know I can excel in these positions, but the lack of offers is really demoralizing. I have stellar recommendations and have not mentioned my current workplace struggle, but the rejection is making me question my skill set and my efficacy as an employee, and whether my current job has even given me the skills I need to move on. Since getting myself psyched up to do the last round of interviews for a position I was very excited about, and it ending in no offer, I’ve considered giving up searching. At least for a while. I put a lot of time and mental effort into every application and interview, and I simply cannot imagine doing it again. At the same time, I’m afraid if I don’t constantly check for openings I might miss an opportunity, but so far that’s been unfruitful. Is it okay to take a break? It feels like settling, or giving up and letting my current employer continue to take advantage of me. I would quit tomorrow if I had the funds, but I don’t. I’d rather not run through this exhausting drill again, and put my energy into my (financially unfruitful) hobby projects. I won’t have better pay or a better job prospects, but at lest I won’t keep getting hit when I’m down. It is okay to take a break. Take a break! Anyone would find it exhausting to continue on with no break after interviewing for 10 positions, and you're doing it on top of a draining, adversarial process at work. How long of a break you should take is a different question — in your situation, I'd try to pick the search back up again in a month or two if you're up to it — but you absolutely do not need to be constantly in job search mode. 3. I covered my own travel expenses for an out-of-state interview, and my interviewer never showed up I was recently offered an interview in another state. The interviewer wouldn't allow a Skype interview. I paid for my ticket and hotel, which is common in my field, as far as I know. Two days before the set date, I was notified that the interviewer wouldn't be back from his business trip in time, and I was asked to reschedule. I had to pay a penalty for rescheduling my flight. When I arrived at the interview, I was told that the interviewer (department lead) was not available, and I was interviewed by the front desk secretary, who seemed uninterested in having to do this task. I sent a thank-you afterwards and never heard back- not even a rejection. It was a waste of time and money. I don't understand why the company insisted on an in-person interview if they didn't want to meet. How can I avoid this type of situation in the future, and is this considered a normal cost of finding employment? Wow, that's outrageous. No, this is absolutely not considered a normal part of finding a job. What they did is horrible, and you wouldn't be out of line to say something to them like, "I spent $X of my own money when you asked me to cover my own travel costs, and the interviewer didn't show up. Since I'm now out that money, I'm asking you to make me whole by reimbursing those expenses, since I flew out in good faith at your request.” As for how to avoid it in the future … it's fairly unlikely that this will happen again since it's so incredibly rude, but one thing you can do is to confirm the appointment with your interviewer one to two days ahead of time. When you do that, remind them that you'll be flying out, and even give your flight info to reinforce in their heads that you're not just making a 10-minute drive. You can’t do not much beyond that to protect against people who are this inconsiderate, but that'll help minimize risk. 4. What does "keep in touch" mean from an interviewer? After over five years with the same company, I am starting to job search and explore other options, with the goal of having a new job by the end of the year. While exploring opportunities and reaching out to some people in my network, I was fortunate enough to be put in touch with someone, we’ll call her Monica, at a company that really interests me and I think would be a great fit and next step in my career. I ended up having an informational interview with Monica, which then led to me having an informal coffee meeting with the CEO (Phoebe). The meeting went well, and Phoebe expressed that she’d like me to go through the official hiring process (work sample and interviews) in their next round of hiring, which will be in a few months. Later, in response to my follow-up thank-you email, Phoebe said I should “keep in touch." So now my question is, how exactly do I keep in touch with Phoebe and Monica? I’m planning on reaching out in a couple of months to see if they’re still hiring as planned and to express my interest in applying/going through the process, but should I be reaching out in the meantime as well? And if so, how much is enough/too much? Do they really want me to keep in touch, or do they just want me to reach out about applying in a few months? Am I just overthinking this? They almost definitely mean "reach out in a few months when we're likely to be doing our next round of hiring." They're not expecting you to stay in touch meanwhile with updates on what you're doing and how-are-you's and things like that. "Stay in touch" professionally is different from "stay in touch" socially. Professionally, it's more of an invitation to be in contact when there's a specific reason. And in a professional context, the expected frequency is different — waiting a few months would be completely normal (whereas waiting a few months in a social context would seem so long that people might assume you weren't interested in pursuing the invitation). So just put a note on your calendar to contact them in a few months, at which point you can say something like, "When we talked in October, you suggested that I go through your official hiring process the next time it opened up. At the time you were expecting that to happen around now, so I wanted to check in and reiterate my interest, and I'd love to throw my hat in the ring if you're now formally reviewing candidates." 5. Telling my manager I have a brain tumor, and asking him not to tell my supervisor I was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor. I really haven’t even seen a specialist yet. Just gotten results from a CT scan. I have told the people in my department (four of them) because we have worked together for a long time and are very close. My problem is telling my manager. I will at some point have to miss work, depending on the course of action the doctors decide to take. The problem in telling him are the supervisors below him, mine in particular. They are friends and I don’t want him (my branch manager) telling my supervisor because my supervisor is incredibly immature and he likes to gossip. I’ve told my four coworkers because I trust them and one used to work as a nurse. I don’t want anyone else knowing my business but I feel I need to tell the manager. He is a great manager and a good guy but I want him to keep what I tell him to himself. Your thoughts? If you want, it's okay to wait to tell your manager until there's something actionable for him to do — like when you need time off work approved. At whatever point you do decide to tell him, stress that you want it kept confidential, and be explicit that you have concerns about your supervisor's tendency to gossip about private issues. You could say something like, "I realize (supervisor) will need to know I'll be out. I've seen him gossip about private matters like this before, and I do not want my health information shared around the office. To the extent that you need to say something to him, can I ask that you simply say ‘a private issue’ or, if necessary, ‘a medical issue,’ without sharing details?” I tell employers I’m the best candidate for the job, I was ghosted after paying for my own interview travel, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my staff tells me what they’re doing rather than asking permission Posted: 10 Oct 2018 10:59 AM PDT A reader writes: I am a fairly new (five weeks) supervisor for a small team of creatives — we all work together on our projects. I have noticed that when my team has a request, they have almost all have a habit of making it a statement rather than a question. For example: “I have to come in a hour late on Tuesday,” or “I’m modifying the teapot color in this tea set.” To be clear, I have the final say on these decisions, and the team knows this. I find this habit grating, as it assumes that I will always agree and accommodate these requests. Am I being too sensitive to a harmless habit? If not, how would you recommend addressing this? Virtually all of these requests are either reasonable requests I would approve anyway. Yep, you're being too sensitive to it. They're not saying "I'm going to do this my way no matter what you say." They're saying "Here's what I plan to do," and the subtext is "let me know if you want me to do something differently." And this is actually a good thing. You will be a much better manager if you treat your employees like responsible, trustworthy, professional adults, and give them maximum leeway to own their work and use their judgment. In general, when you're dealing with competent, responsible adults, you shouldn't expect them to ask for permission for something like coming in an hour late or even taking a day off. You should trust them to manage their own schedules and just keep you in the loop, and you can speak up if something will be a problem. And because there might be times when you do need to ask someone to handle something differently, it's reasonable to expect your staff to give you advance notice when possible so that you have a chance to speak up if needed — like saying, "Actually we have a client coming in then and ideally I'd like you here — do you have any flexibility on the time?" or "before you change the color, tell me more about why you're thinking you want to change it" or "we're actually contractually obligated to keep these teapots blue" or so forth. There are managers and workplaces that do expect people to request permission every time for things like this. But people who aren't used to working in that kind of environment will generally bristle at it (and rightly so). I don't know if you're a new manager in general, or just a new manager to this particular group. But if you're a new manager in general, I also want to mention that it can take new managers a while to get the balance right when they're exercising authority. It's not uncommon for new managers to take too heavy a hand with their authority, and that makes them less effective managers. The thing to remember is, you have authority and you can exercise it whenever the work actually requires it. You don't need it to be present in every interaction; it's far better to just be confident in your ability to pull it out when you need to. Think of your authority as one of many tools you have in your toolbox to get things done. You don't need to bring your hammer into every interaction; you just turn to it when you actually need it. In fact, wanting to preserve a sense of hierarchy in every interaction will actually make you look less secure in your authority. You will look more in control and like a stronger manager if you have a team of strong professionals to whom you give real ownership of their work (to the greatest extent that's practical — which will vary greatly depending on what type of roles you manage) and don't expect them to seek your approval for every small thing. my staff tells me what they’re doing rather than asking permission was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| people say my tone sounds mean Posted: 10 Oct 2018 09:30 AM PDT In today’s Ask a Manager podcast, I talked to someone who’s worried her tone sounds mean. Here's the letter: I really appreciated your episode about tone and I was just listening to it again today because I've realized that *I* am the coworker who is too direct and makes people feel defensive. This problem has emerged over the last year, when I learned from my boss that a colleague says I'm hostile and mean. My boss and I talked about this, and a specific example that had occurred months before, and I agreed with her that I could have handled that situation differently. We also agreed that I'm a direct person, which can be productive and can sometimes create conflict. After that, I started to think really carefully about my tone, and I've been practicing being non-confrontational. I loved your examples of tone and have tried hard to consciously incorporate some of the phrases that you demonstrated. Unfortunately, I keep stepping in it with this one colleague, who in turn complains about me to our boss. We never discuss this directly—I presume because I am too confrontational—I just hear about it later. And now, every time I need to talk with this colleague about anything, I am extremely anxious and I spend a lot of time planning out what I'll say. It never seems to work and it seems like an endless cycle in which I am always the aggressor and the colleague is always the aggrieved party.
people say my tone sounds mean was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
| my office does “Fat Friday” – and I have an eating disorder Posted: 10 Oct 2018 07:59 AM PDT A reader writes: Three months ago I started a new job and I really love it. My team is great, the people are lovely, and the work is exciting. However, I’m struggling with a tradition known as Fat Friday. When I started it seemed to be once a month or so, but now it is every Friday — we’re all told to bring food in to share (and it is frowned on not to). There are themes, such as pastry week, meat feast, etc. The food is all laid out in the office, in the room we work in, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it is a staggering amount of food. It could feed us all twice over. And it is always high fat, high sugar. Now, I completely understand that people love food and people bond over sharing food. But I am in recovery from an eating disorder that has followed me my whole adult life. I have very little willpower around food and I am terrified of gaining weight. I’ve had panic attacks in supermarkets because of it. The best way I can describe it is that I have an overwhelming, uncontrollable urge to eat, but I also fear gaining weight more than anything. I’ve had lots of therapy and I’m on medication that’s working well. But Fat Friday is a minefield, with people pushing food on me and encouraging me to eat more. Last Friday, I ended up eating a lot and hating myself afterwards. Today, when I found out FF is now weekly, I almost cried in the office. I would never want to take away other people’s fun. But am I just powerless here? Would it come across as fussy or overdramatic if I asked to work from home, or to sit in a different room? In my experience people don’t understand how severe my compulsion to binge eat is, and I’d hate to color my new manager’s opinion of me. But the thought of sitting for nine hours every Friday trying desperately not to eat is really worrying me. You are not powerless here! But you might have to share more than you'd prefer to in order to get the best outcome here … and I know that sucks. How comfortable are you with your new manager? Does she seem like a generally reasonable person? Ideally you'd talk with her privately and say something like, "Please keep this between us, but I have a health issue involving diet that makes it difficult for me to be part of Fat Friday — or, candidly, to be around it much. Would it be okay if I worked from home on those days, or even just from a different room here?" A smart manager will read between the lines and not push. But it's possible that your manager will think it's something like a dietary restriction and suggest that you bring in food that works with your diet so that you can continue to take part. If that happens, you could say, "I really appreciate you trying to make it possible for me to participate, but it would be much better for my health not to be around it at all." But if you're willing to share that you're in recovery from an eating disorder, that would be an even more direct route. And you don't need to share details, like that you're still struggling with it or that you're in treatment currently. You could simply say, "I had an eating disorder in the past, and it's not something I should be around.” Or if you have HR, you could skip your manager and talk to them, and ask them to help you with accommodations. They could/should arrange with your manager for you to work from home or sit somewhere else during these extravaganzas, and generally could do it without sharing your medical details with her. As for what the actual accommodation should be … if it's possible for you to work from home one day a week (which will depend on your role and to some extent on your company's culture about working from home), the ideal solution would be if you just happened to start doing that on Fridays. If you're just in a different room, people are likely to ask why (although maybe you can come up with a reason, like needing to focus on something that requires high concentration on Fridays) and/or hassle you to come in and take part in the eating. The main takeaway, though, is that you are not powerless here. It's going to require a conversation with someone, but it should be doable. my office does “Fat Friday” – and I have an eating disorder was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager. |
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