“our company is teaching us about a new coworker’s (possible) religion, I got drunk on a work trip, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

our company is teaching us about a new coworker’s (possible) religion, I got drunk on a work trip, and more
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our company is teaching us about a new coworker’s (possible) religion, I got drunk on a work trip, and more

Posted: 29 Aug 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I get an educational lesson on a new employee’s religion?

I work in a small (less than 20 employee) company. We are in a moderate sized city, but a very conservative town and our company generally reflects that. They just hired a new employee who is expected to start in a few weeks. We have no concrete evidence of his religion, but his name and background suggest a particular religious practice.

At least that’s the execs’ assumption. It’s noteworthy, but I don’t plan to make any assumptions. I’m personally agnostic, and my coworkers’ religious beliefs are non-starters for me. But we’re in a meeting now getting a history lesson about this faith, their prayer practices, etc..

Is this a good idea? Is this necessary? Again, for myself it makes no difference what faith my coworkers practice, especially if we don’t even know he actually practices. But on the other hand, we do have some highly conservative (I might say narrow-minded) employees. A lesson in tolerance might not be so bad.

Nooooo, this is not a good idea. Many people would be tremendously uncomfortable to learn that their new office had held a session to educate people about their religious practices. And this is made even weirder — and frankly more offensive — by the fact that they don't even know if this is his religion or whether he practices it or to what extent. Assuming that you know anything about someone's faith or lack thereof based on their name is pretty gross.

I suppose in one light, it’s good that they want to be welcoming. But this is not the way to do it. If your office is concerned that people will be hostile or insensitive to someone of a different religion, they can address that by explaining they're not going to tolerate that — and then not tolerating it. That doesn't require a course in any particular religion. And they're undermining their own efforts here by the ignorance involved in their underlying assumptions.

2. I got drunk on a work trip five years ago

Five years ago, I got drunk on a work trip where there was a swim-up bar and free booze. I ended up drinking too much and later that night walked around the hotel in my small nightgown trying to meet people. I thought I looked good, but I just embarrassed myself in front of the rest of the group who saw me. No one who worked in my office was there, just others in the industry, and I don't think anyone I actually work with would have found out. I wasn't rude, didn't hurt anyone, and I only disrespected myself and the hotel (I'm sure they've seen everything).

I didn't think anyone remembered, but someone brought it up the other day. No names or anything, just said someone got too drunk at that hotel, and I think she was talking about me. However, maybe not! Should I worry about this?

I'm going to say no. It was five years ago, and is this is the first time you've heard it come up since then, I don't see much point in worrying about it. The person who mentioned it may not have even realized it was you (especially likely she if she did, she probably wouldn't have mentioned it in front of you, at least not worded that way). Certainly if you saw evidence that people in your field weren't taking you seriously, that would be a problem, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

It was five years ago, you made a mistake, none of your coworkers were there, time has passed, you've presumably conducted yourself well since then, and there's nothing to achieve by worrying about it now anyway. Let yourself forget it happened (but then remember it again in 20 years, by which time it will have become amusing).

3. My new coworker isn’t getting it — should I try to help?

I’m having a hard time figuring out what to say or do about my new coworker who just isn’t getting it. He started about five months ago and, after a rigorous training program, has had four months in the actual role. In that time, he has totally failed to meet any of the very modest goals laid out for him, and it seems like he really isn’t trying. He comes in 15 minutes late almost every day, takes a long lunch, and leaves on the early side.

My problem is twofold. On the one hand, I know that my company is quick to let people go when they aren’t meeting goals, and I don’t want to see that happen. He’s a nice and really smart guy. On the other hand, we work as a team and his lack of production/failure to complete projects impacts me (on a financial level, because we share a team production bonus or will lose the production bonus if we don’t meet our goals) and puts a lot of extra work on my plate.

I know that my manager has had many talks with him about how to improve and has him on a PIP, because the coworker told me. What I’m asking is, what can I do to get through to him? Is it my job to say anything here or just hope that he improves on his own?

It’s definitely not your job to try to intervene here. You certainly can if you want to, but it’s very much not something you’d be expected to do, and I’m skeptical it would help. This isn’t someone who doesn’t realize that he needs to pay a little more attention to detail or would be helped by hearing, “Hey, when Jane says the deadline is Tuesday, she means 5 p.m. Tuesday, not later that night.” This is someone who seems like he’s not trying, routinely comes in late and leaves early, has failed to meet all of his apparently attainable goals, and has been repeatedly coached by your manager and warned that his job is in jeopardy. It’s unlikely that there’s anything you could say that will get through to him when your manager’s multiple conversations haven’t. It sounds like you might be more invested in saving his job than he is, and that never works.

Sometimes people aren’t the right match for a role, and that may be the case here. Your manager is doing all the right things, and if she does decide to let him go, that’s a pretty reasonable outcome (in fact, it may be the only reasonable outcome).

4. Is it job hopping if you stay with the same company but keep changing roles?

I know that job hopping BETWEEN companies is a bad thing. But is it still considered job hopping if you change roles about once a year inside ONE company? Especially if you are advancing in the ranks?

In general, concerns about job hopping don’t apply if you're moving around within your company, as opposed to changing companies.

That said, if you're making a bunch of lateral hops year after year and not advancing, that's going to raise questions about why you were getting moved around so much. And you want to stay in roles long enough that you're able to show real accomplishments in each one (which in many jobs will be hard to do if you move every year).

5. Working for a small employer with chronic illness

I was just placed in a very small law firm in a temporary position that may become permanent. If I decide I want to make it permanent, I'm worried about my lack of FMLA coverage. I have an autoimmune disease that is in remission, and I'm worried what might happen if it comes out of remission.

When I was first diagnosed, I was sick for months before we figured out what was wrong. I ended up having to take some unpaid leave and have leave donated to me. It was in a large company where FMLA applied.

If I join this firm, I know FMLA will not apply to me. I'm fairly young, and I'm on a newer treatment, so my doctors don't know if it will come back or not. If it does, we'll be faster to catch it, and so I'm less likely to get as sick.

But I'm worrying what will happen if I do have to take significant medical leave. If they decide to let me go for being sick, what would I say the next time I tried to get a job? Should I discuss this with the employer if I decide to stay on permanently? (My instinct is no.) Should I roll the dice? Should I avoid small businesses entirely?

In theory, you might be better off avoiding employers that are too small to be covered by FMLA, but that'll of course depend on your sense of how easy it would be to do that and what other options you might have. (It's also good to keep in mind that even at larger employers, FMLA won't cover you until you've worked there a year.)

If you do stay where you are more long-term, I wouldn't raise it with your employer as a thing that might happen — cross that bridge if and when you come to it, since there's nothing really actionable if you tell your manager that this might happen (other than it potentially making them worry). If it happens, you'll deal with it then. If they do end up letting you go for missing too much work, you'd explain to future employers that you were dealing with a health issue and needed time off to deal with it (and you'd likely to be able to negotiate with this job for it to be a mutual decision rather than a firing). Good luck!

I’ve been told that its okay to give X, Y, and Z reminders, but I also feel that, if this is part of a standard process, it shouldn’t be my job to hold others’ hands. However, I also understand how busy everyone is, and I want to be accommodating to others’ needs. There’s also the awkward point of everyone else being in higher up positions than myself.

What would be the best thing to do here?

If your work has to be reviewed by specific people before it can be finalized, and those people are particularly busy, then you should see it as part of your responsibilities to remind them when their deadline is nearing.

That’s especially true because you’re being told “it’s your responsibility to do what you can on your side to make this happen on time, including giving reminders if it’s needed” … so you can’t decide you’re not going to because you think you shouldn’t have to.

I'd just go into these projects assuming that a few days before the deadline for people returning something to you (or whatever timeframe makes sense in your context), you should check back with them and say something like, "Just wanted to make sure you're on track to have X back to me no later than Thursday. I need to finalize it by then in order to make the printer deadline."

If that doesn't work and people continue not to get you stuff on time, then you'd say this: "I know you're super busy. I've missed a couple of deadlines recently because I didn't get your edits on time. Is there a better way for me to do this when I need your sign-off — do you need more lead time with it, or should I check in with you earlier?" And if that still doesn't work, then you talk to your boss for advice because at that point you've done all you can reasonably do on your end without being overly pushy, and at that point it's time for your boss to weigh in. (Which could result in your boss saying "yeah, this is just how it goes and we'll have to deal with it" or "hmmm, let me see about skipping Jane when we do these" or "I'll talk to her myself" or "next time it's happening, let me know and I'll step in.")

I can see why all this feels like hand-holding — but it's pretty normal to have to do this when you're dealing with busy people who are senior to you.

It's interesting, because if you were senior to them or if you were peers, I wouldn't tell you that. In that case, it would be reasonable to expect them to manage their own workload and to address it as a problem if they were missing deadlines that impacted your work. So you might ask, then, why is it okay for people above you to need reminders when it wouldn’t be okay for others?

The answer to that is partially just power dynamics — meaning that it doesn't really matter for your purposes whether or not it's "okay" that people senior to you need these reminders; what matters to your work is that they do, and that you'll need to issue them if you're going to get what you need to turn in your own work on time. You don't have any authority to require them to operate differently, so the best thing for your own work is to figure out what it'll take to get what you need and then do it. (Within reason, of course. If it meant that you always had to show up at their house at midnight for them to complete their parts, I'd give you a very different answer. But just having to issue a reminder isn't that big of a deal.)

The other part of why there's a double standard is that things really are different as people get more and more senior. In general — not always, but most of the time — as you move into more and more senior positions, there are more demands on your time and more priorities you're juggling, and you're more likely to be constantly pulled in different directions. Given that context, there's often more slack cut for "you need to remind Jane if you want to get that back on time."

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