my family business is a mess, I give a really low salary expectation, and more Ask a Manager

my family business is a mess, I give a really low salary expectation, and more

Posted: 12 Aug 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My family business is a mess, but my mom won't listen to me

I work for my family’s business. For a long time, it was a small mom and pop operation and my parents were easily able to manage the administrative and operational aspects on their own. However, in the past three years, our company has grown at a rapid rate. We went from a handful of clients in one state to around 25 clients spread across eight states. Our employee headcount has quadrupled.

The anticipated bumps in the road from such rapid growth are more along the lines of massive potholes. My mother (the CEO) insists that we are able to manage all aspects of the business with six dedicated administrative employees, including me. However, I don’t think you need to be a business consultant to know that six people are not enough to manage nearly 200 employees. As a result, everyone around here wears many hats. Even though I know nothing about HR, health insurance, 401K administration, payroll deductions, and a myriad of other issues, those are all items that I have to manage day to day. I’ve tried to teach myself to the best of my abilities, but I have reached the limits of what I can learn on my own. Our struggles are not only limited to staffing, but processes and procedures. The things we had in place when we were a company of 40 people no longer work for us. No one here has clearly defined job descriptions and there are relatively few procedures in place, so fire drills are an everyday occurrence for us.

To make matters worse, my mother takes a hybrid micromanaging/hands-off approach to the administrative staff. She refuses to give directions beyond a simple sentence of what she wants done (she defines anything beyond that as “hand-holding”), yet she insists on approving every little thing that we do. She invests all of her time in the company’s finances, and I often find myself at an impasse over my own responsibilities.

I’ve given you all of this background because I clearly see the problems within our organization, and I have developed solutions and given recommendations to my mother. The problem is, she does not share my concerns. Every time I highlight a problem, she says that it isn’t a priority, doesn’t have the budget to fix it, will address it later, or even says that I am just creating problems. But from my perspective, I see an overwhelmed and understaffed administration, high employee turnover, and no attempt to fix any of it. Because it is my family’s company, I cannot be dispassionate or simply find a new job. This company is just as much mine and I want it to thrive. How can I institute change within this company when I have no support from my boss?

You probably can't, just like working at any other business run by a terrible manager who refuses to change things. Because the CEO is your mom, you have more leeway to have a blunt conversation with her about the problems you see — but ultimately if she's not open to change, you can't force it (assuming that you and other family members don't own a controlling stake in the business where you could overrule her). Do other members of the management team agree with you? If so, you can try approaching her as a group to propose putting someone else in charge of managing the day-to-day operations, or you can try proposing that on your own … but if she won't budge and you don't have the authority to make her budge, then you don't really have other options here.

In that case, you'd be better off going elsewhere and working in a context where you'll actually be able to thrive. This doesn't sound like that context. (And while there can be benefits to being thrown in the deep end and learning as you go, there are huge disadvantages to that too — especially that you don't know what you don't know, and you can end up making serious mistakes. Professionally speaking, you're better off working in a well managed company and developing your skills there. And who knows, maybe there will be a way for you to bring those skills back to your family company at some point in the future, if it's being run differently. You might find the “I’m the Boss’s Daughter” episode of the AAM podcast interesting.)

2. I give a very low number when asked for salary expectations

I have been applying for a lot of jobs in an unusual field of work (let’s say llama whispering) and applications keep asking me what I need to be paid. I’m at the point in my life where being paid at all is a real novelty, so I’m trying to figure out what number to put in that will not insult the company and also cause me not to starve to death. My current strategy is looking up "living wage in (location)” and then plugging that in. I’ve also been plugging in slightly higher than whatever minimum wage is. Really I’m just wildly guessing. What’s the magic number? Aren’t they supposed to already know? Can I just say, “As much as you would pay the boys?” I just want to be the best llama whisperer I can be while also not dying. Help!

Don't do that! Unless this is a field that pays that low, you're undercutting yourself — and you actually might be getting yourself rejected for these jobs, because a lot of recruiters will take a weirdly low salary request as a sign that you don't have enough experience for the job or misunderstand what it is.

I know this is a huge pain and it would be nice if employers just told you what they plan to pay, but most of them don't and you've got to do your own research so that you're able to have a reasonable salary discussion with them. There's advice here on how to do that.

3. How do my manager and I move past an argument?

Yesterday I had a disagreement with my manager about some changes she was implementing. The actual change wasn't the main issue, however; it was a straw that broke the camel's back situation. I'm under pressure, she's under pressure, and in her words we had a "vigorous" discussion, becoming quite heated at one point. We both talked it out, but we were interrupted by a client and then she had to unexpectedly head off to our satellite office to deal with an emergency situation there.

I don't like workplace (or any) conflict. I usually avoid it wherever possible. I don't know how to move on. We've only talked via IM since. Normally she would have called at least once to catch up. The IM conversations we've had have been light-hearted, I think because neither of us wants to start anything up again.

I find it mentally exhausting dealing with her. She wants my thoughts, but then doesn't like it when I disagree and give reasons why I don't think things will work and suggest other ways. If I do think they will work out, I say so. Either way, if she decides it's the way to go, I will support that decision with our clients even if they are not happy with the change. The thing is, on reflection, a couple of points she raised (but not all) were true – she's right, she is my manager, and I do question a lot of changes that she is recommending and she finds it exhausting dealing with me.

We didn't get a chance to finish up and move on, so I don't know whether to raise it or not. She's working from home for the next few days, so I won't see her in person until nearly a week has passed since the conflict. I don't quite know what to say, or whether to be like Elsa and let it go and let the awkwardness pass, or to say that I'd reflected on the points she raised, and that I realize she's right in xyz?

If you realized she's right about some of what she said, tell her that! Any manager in this situation would be relieved and pleased to hear that, and it reflects well on you that you took some time to digest the conversation and are willing to modify your thinking. Say something like, "I wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about our conversation the other day and I realized that you're right about X and Y. I'm going to try to do ___ differently in the future and hopefully you'll see a difference."

Ideally you'd say that in person — and I don't think it's a big deal to wait a few days until that can happen.

4. How do I remind my boss he owes me money?

I travel for work. My boss doesn't usually come along, but this was a special circumstance where he needed to be there. We decided to hit a baseball game one evening after work and had to buy tickets online. I just happened to find the cheaper/better tickets as we were both searching, so I bought with the understanding he would pay me back. He specifically said he would as it's obviously not expensable. He left for the week, his flight was a day before mine, and never mentioned it or paid me back. It's $65, which is a fairly significant amount of money to me. I'm remote so I won't see him in person again for who knows how long. Should I bring it up? I don't think it was malicious, I think he just forgot. But it feels awkward to bring it up. Not sure what to do here.

Most likely he did just forget, and he'd probably be mortified if he knew you were stressing over it. It won't be awkward to remind him — after all, think about if the roles were reversed; I doubt you would think it was weird for someone to remind you, right?

Just be matter-of-fact about it — "hey, can you Venmo me that $65 for the tickets when you have a chance?" That's it! (If you don't talk frequently, it's fine to do this in email or Slack or however you most often communicate.)

5. What are good wellness initiatives?

Our nonprofit has a small budget ($15k) to use for employee wellness initiatives. We’ve already purchased water bottles with our logo for everyone, had a day of on-site chair massages, and bought a few under-desk elliptical and bike machines for people to “check out.” Standing desks or treadmill desks have been rejected due to space constraints. We’ve also considered healthy snacks, providing a yoga class, bringing in a nutritionist, and bringing in an ergonomics consultant. Are there any other things you would suggest?

You named literally everything I would have suggested. I love your list! (I'm assuming they're all optional and no one is being required to do yoga or talk to the nutritionist.)

I'm throwing this out to commenters to see what other suggestions people might have for you.

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