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“my coworker is hiding a DUI from our employer, no one at work noticed my haircut, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

“my coworker is hiding a DUI from our employer, no one at work noticed my haircut, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager


my coworker is hiding a DUI from our employer, no one at work noticed my haircut, and more

Posted: 27 Aug 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker is hiding her DUI from our employer

I'm in sales. We take day trips to see clients or prospective ones, and sometimes have to drive them to demonstrations. I overheard one of my coworkers on the phone when she thought no one else was in the office. She was talking about a DWI and court. When she realized I was there, she told me she got convicted of a DWI and is waiting to get sentenced. I did catch from the conversation she’s legally not allowed to drive as part of her bail. She said she hasn’t told anyone here or at the court because she can’t do her job without driving.

She asked me to keep it to myself so she doesn’t get fired or in trouble in court. She is still taking company vehicles to see clients and driving clients around. Our driving record gets checked when we are hired and we are tested and we are supposed to disclose any infractions if we get one. Her DWI put another driver in the hospital for two days. I have been really struggling since I found out and I’d like to hear your feelings on this if at all possible.

She's putting you in a position that she has no right to put you in. The reason she's been ordered not to drive is because the court considers her a safety risk to other people — which she clearly is. She put someone in the hospital. She could have killed someone. She's now asking you to be complicit in her disregard for other people's safety and for your company's own liability. Don't be part of that.

Please alert this to your employer today. Frame it as "I don't feel comfortable knowing this and not disclosing it." Ethically I don't think you have a choice here.

2. My manager’s boss will misrepresent any feedback I give about her

It’s appraisal time where I work. In general, my manager (let’s call her Sansa) is great but she’s human and there are some minor things she could improve on. She is aware of most of the things she could improve on, I think, and I would also feel comfortable giving her feedback face-to-face.

The problem is that I will be asked to send my feedback to her manager (let’s call her Cersei) and Cersei is a deeply unpleasant person to deal with professionally. Any minor piece of negative feedback I give, no matter how gently or constructively phrased, will be used by Cersei as a stick to beat Sansa with for the foreseeable future. I’ve experienced this from Cersei firsthand. Obviously that’s not how I want my feedback to be used.

What’s the appropriate way to proceed here? Should I give full feedback anyway, positive and negative, and let Sansa handle Cersei’s behaviour? Or should I write feedback that is overwhelmingly positive and skim over any negatives? If it makes a difference, feedback is sent by email and I wouldn’t expect to have to discuss it further with Cersei.

If you know that your feedback will be turned into something that it's not and used in ways that you don't want or intend, then don't offer it. That really sucks, because you should be able to give feedback about your manager and have it used constructively — but it sounds like you can't.

However, any chance that you can give some of your feedback to Sansa directly, leaving Cersei out of the loop? Depending on what kind of rapport you have with her, you could pick one or two items (I wouldn't do more than that when she hasn't solicited it) and say to her, "Cersei asked for input about working with you. I think you're great and love working with you and didn't want to send any input that would imply otherwise. But afterwards, two things did come to mind that I thought I could share with you directly if you're interested."

3. No one at work noticed my haircut

Over the weekend, I got a fairly drastic haircut. I had about 5 inches or so cut off, and had lots of layers added. For reference, I went from something like this to this.

I’m really pleased with how it turned out, and was a bit excited to go to work today to see others’ reactions. I work in a small office with only six of us here regularly, so these are people I see constantly. However, not a single person noticed (or, if they did, they didn’t say anything). Does this mean they don’t like it, or am I totally overreacting? I always notice when my coworkers get even a trim. For what it’s worth, I got this haircut for myself, not for the attention of others. I still love it, and my husband does, too. I just find it a bit odd that not even one person has commented on it. Is it office commonplace to not comment on a drastic physical change like this?

It's not that strange that no one has commented on it. Some people just don't comment on things like this, even if they notice it. Sometimes it's because they've internalized the idea that they shouldn’t comment on other people's physical appearances at work (not a bad thing to internalize). Sometimes they just don't have anything in particular to say, which is not the same as disliking it. And sometimes people really don't notice (especially since it looks like you've gone from long hair to shorter-but-still-fairly-long hair.)

I would not read anything into this at all.

4. Will my students need to use email in the work world?

I teach high school and over the past few years my colleagues and I have realized that our students are not using their email accounts. Most explain that they use other forms of social media to communicate. Our general response is that they are responsible for checking their email and will need to get used to it if they want to get/keep a job.

Will they need to use email in the workforce? Or are there other alternatives being used in the "outside world"? Are schools woefully out of touch with reality (as usual)?

Nope, they're going to be expected to use email. And if they don't check their email and respond to their email regularly — which in most jobs means at least several times a day — that's going to be considered a huge performance issue that could get them fired (to say nothing of the fact that they'll be missing key information and requests).

5. Is this company trying to see how low I'll go on salary?

I've been emailing back and forth with an HR manager for a few days, setting up a phone screen at a company I'd like to work for. A few emails ago, she quoted me the salary range for the position, noting that it was a bit less than my desired number. But since I'm trying to shift into a new industry, I'm prepared to be flexible—so I agreed to proceed with that range in mind.

Today, however, the HR rep emailed to say that she's just learned there's a hard cap on the salary for this position—and that cap is the lowest point on the range she originally quoted. She's asking if I'm still willing to move forward with an interview.

Part of me thinks that there's still room for them to pay me within the original range they quoted, but they're trying to see how low they can get me to go. Do you think that's a possibility? Is there a way to acknowledge the cap without fully agreeing to it in order to get in the door for the interview, and then negotiate higher once I get to the offer stage?

It’s more likely that she's being up-front that this is the most they'd offer you, and she doesn't want to waste their time if it won't work for you. It's actually good that she's telling you now, so that you don't waste your own time if it's not a number you'd consider.

If you say yes now and then try to negotiate for more later, they're likely to feel you were operating in bad faith — and rightly so, since they're being up-front with you and are asking you to self-select out now if the number doesn't work for you. So I would not go into the interview planning to try to negotiate for more later. At most you could say, “It's lower than what I'm looking for, but I'd want to learn more about the role and the rest of the compensation package. Given that, I'm interested in continuing to talk." But I wouldn't plan on trying to negotiate for more later unless you learn something about the role (or the rest of the compensation package) during the rest of the process that fundamentally changes something.

my coworker is hiding a DUI from our employer, no one at work noticed my haircut, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

should I push back against getting annual bonuses instead of raises?

Posted: 27 Aug 2018 10:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

My workplace wants to start giving out annual profit share bonuses in lieu of salary raises. Basically, the base bonus (which is based on how well the company does that year) would be multiplied by the number of years someone is there (so for the sake of simple math, if the base bonus is $500, then it would $1k for 2-year employees, $1.5k for 3-year employees, $2k for 4-year employees, and so on).

While it’s nice to get a lump sum at the end of each year, I know that this is no substitute for long-term career salary growth. As I gain more experience in my job/industry and contribute greater value to this company, getting bonuses in lieu of raises ultimately feels like they’re trying to get out of paying me what I’m worth. Am I wrong to think these bonuses would be drops in the bucket compared to the long-term salary potential of getting regular percentage raises? How hard should I be pushing back against this? And how do I push back politely?

Yeah, although it depends on exactly how big the base bonuses are, this system probably means you're going to get less money in the long run. For one thing, when you do raises as a percentage of your salary (which most employers do), the size of your raise grows exponentially over time.

But also — and importantly — your salary is pretty locked in, unlike a bonus, which can change at the company's whim. (Sure, they could change your salary too, as long as it's not a retroactive decrease, but it's waaaayyy more common to lower bonuses than to lower salaries.) There's a reason they're doing it this way, and it's probably that they like the flexibility it gives them to pay less some years — and that flexibility probably works out in their favor more than in yours. (Or knows, maybe not — but I'm skeptical.)

Plus, when you move to your next job, a lot of employers are only going to care about your base salary, not your at-the-discretion-of-your-employer annual bonuses.

Last, there's apparently no accounting for merit in this system, which may or may not bother you, but it means that you're not going to get more if you out-perform the expectations for your role. You presumably might get promoted, but generally it's good to get paid more for contributing at a higher level.

How hard you should push back depends on the usual combination of factors: how senior you are, what your standing is there and how valued you are, how much capital you have to spend, what other battles you might be fighting at the moment, how strongly you feel, and how strongly your coworkers seem to feel and whether any of them are willing to go to bat with you. And in this case, what the actual numbers work out to be. If the annual bonuses are huge, that's a mitigating factor on much of the above. If they're not … that would be more impetus to push back.

If you do decide to push back, I'd point out the stuff above — that you should be confident that your total pay for the year will reflect your contributions to the company (and not be a surprise); that your pay should be pegged to the market rate for your work, increasing as your level of contributions increase; and that your base salary will matter to your future salary growth, both now and whenever you move on. You can also point out what other employers in your field do, and frame it in terms of competitiveness and your company's ability to attract and retain strong people.

should I push back against getting annual bonuses instead of raises? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

what does it mean to manage up?

Posted: 27 Aug 2018 09:30 AM PDT

Most people get annoyed or frustrated with their boss at some point, even when that boss is a good manager. Maybe your manager isn't responsive enough to email, or she cancels meetings at the last minute, or she changes her mind after you thought a decision had been made—or you might be dealing with another grade of problems altogether, such as a boss who is a bona fide wimp or tyrant.

At Slate today, I talk about how to manage your boss in a way that will help you keep you sanity. You can read it here.

what does it mean to manage up? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

job candidate’s wife keeps contacting me, even after I’ve told her to stop

Posted: 27 Aug 2018 07:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

I have a candidate in our hiring process. Due to the industry (skilled trades) I work in, we require a number of safety tickets, orientations, supplemental training, and coordination of flights and camp prior to an employee starting. This candidate, we will call him Bob, seems to be a good fit for the position, but I am having difficulties communicating with him because his wife, Sue, is very involved to the point of interfering.

If I leave a voicemail for Bob, Sue will call me without Bob being present. If I am able to get Bob on the line, and he is with Sue, he will put the call on speaker phone with Sue. Sue is also the one responding to the emails I have sent requesting training certificates and confirming booking times.

She asks all the typical questions candidates themselves would ask ask: travel, accommodations, what the process is, what the deadlines are for the documents I need, where/when the supplemental training will happen.

Bob said she likes to "be involved." I told him while I appreciate that, it makes it difficult to complete the onboarding process when she is as involved as she is and I need to have confidence that he can perform independently.

I have let Sue know that I cannot discuss Bob's employment with her, but she continues to call and email. I have been making a point of calling Bob's cellphone and not their shared houseline to ensure that I am speaking with Bob only, but they have a shared email.

It's not uncommon for some of our tradespeople to have their spouses help them throughout the process. Sometimes they are out of town and have poor phone service or they are not very computer literate and need help with that aspect of it all. But I've never had a spouse this involved ever, and it's fairly off-putting, to be honest.

I'm tempted to pull his offer and find another candidate, as this is proving to be much more work on my end managing both Sue and Bob and, to be frank, this is reflecting very poorly on Bob's capabilities of being independent and competent. In your opinion, what is the best way to proceed?

In most hiring contexts, my response to this would be “nope, absolutely not, a spouse cannot be involved like this, and this is a huge red flag about Bob’s understanding of professional norms.

But you're in a field where apparently spouses sometimes do get involved and it’s not considered weird. So we should make some allowances for that. But this sounds like it’s way beyond anything that would be considered normal in your field and, what’s more, it’s continued after you’ve told them both that it needs to stop.

If Bob had had cited computer literacy when you asked about it, I'd cut them both more slack, since this sounds like a job where computer literacy isn't required.

But if this is happening just because Sue “likes to be involved”? After you've told them both it’s a problem? That's alarming. Is she going to "like to be involved" after he's hired too, when you talk to Bob about salary increases, project assignments, work travel, and so forth?

Of course, it's possible that there's a more reasonable explanation that Bob wasn't comfortable sharing. For example, maybe it's reading literacy, not just computer literacy … or a brain injury that has left him terrible with this kind of process but great at the kind of work you're hiring him for … or who knows. But if there is an explanation like that, one of them should have explained it to you, particularly after you clearly told both of them that it needs to stop. The fact that they didn't, even after you pushed back, is what worries me the most, because it says that they don't see anything odd about what they're doing, despite your explanations to the contrary … and that means that you can't be confident that it won't continue after Bob is hired.

That said, you do want to be open to the possibility that there's more to this and they don't realize that it would be better to explain it than to leave you in the dark.

I’d try saying this to Bob: "We’ve talked about how I need to deal with you directly about our hiring and onboarding process, but your wife has continued to call and email me. While it's fine for candidates to get a bit of assistance with the process from a spouse, for the most part I need to be dealing with you and only you. I'm concerned that it's continuing even after we've talked about it. Is there anything I need to understand about the situation and what's driving her involvement?"

But if that doesn't elicit anything that helps this make more sense, then I'd say: "Talking to two different people is additional work on our end, and we need to ensure we're hiring someone who will be self-sufficient in the role. So I'm really only able to work with you going forward. Is that something that will work on your end?"

job candidate’s wife keeps contacting me, even after I’ve told her to stop was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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