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“my friend might get fired, coworker spoke for the group without checking with us, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

“my friend might get fired, coworker spoke for the group without checking with us, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager


my friend might get fired, coworker spoke for the group without checking with us, and more

Posted: 20 Jun 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. My friend might get fired — can I help?

A couple months ago I referred a friend for a job in my department and he was hired. I was recently told by my boss (his boss’s boss) that things weren’t working out great so far — friend is very hard-working, etc., but has been making mistakes. I think my boss told me because he hopes I might be able to somehow help (I’m in the same department but the work is quite different). Friend knows about the mistakes and has tried very hard to correct them when they occur but doesn’t seem to be aware that the situation is quite as bad as apparently it is. I’m worried that termination is a possible option, and what that would mean for his career and finances generally. Anything I can do to help?

Maybe, but it might just be that this is the wrong fit. But if your sense is that he hasn't been clearly told that the problems are serious and that he would be better able to correct them if he understood that, you could potentially point that out to your boss. (And really, that's just good practice anyway — someone who's in danger of getting fired deserves to know they're in danger of getting fired.) It's not really your job to have that conversation, although you might decide that your friendship obligates you to. Ideally, though, it would come from his boss.

Beyond that, if you realize your friend hasn't asked for reasonable help that he needs, such as better training or clearer expectations or more specific feedback, you could urge him to clearly ask for those things, or you could discreetly mention to your boss that your sense is those things would help. But ultimately, this may not be a great fit for your friend (in which case, while getting fired sucks, it might be better long-term than lingering in a job he's never going to do well at).

2. A coworker spoke for the group without checking with us first

I read your article on how to speak up as a group, but I wonder — what happens when one speaks on behalf of the group without checking in with us?

A small group of us are having some difficulty in this newly created position for the department and a lot of the stress comes from not knowing what are role is (our direct supervisor isn’t being too clear to begin with) and some hostility from the other members in the department. Within the group, we discussed some of our frustrations and whatnot. Some have sent lengthy emails to our direct supervisor for support and have had no response.

Understandably, we’re in quite a frustrating situation. One coworker decided to check in with our union rep. However, the language in that email suggests that the coworker is speaking on our behalf (a lot of “we feel… we have experienced…”). I don’t disagree entirely with what was written, but I am not comfortable that they spoke for me without checking in first.

How do I tactfully ask the coworker not to do that in the future? Do I say anything in response to the union rep?

"Hey, Jane, I don't disagree with much of what you've written, but I'm not comfortable that you spoke for me without checking with me first. In the future, before you speak for the group of us, will you check with each of us individually and make sure we're okay with that, or change your wording so that it doesn't sound like you're speaking for all of us?"

Jane might be frustrated to hear this, because it can be frustrating to feel like everyone agrees with you but no one is willing to back you up when you try to get something done about it, but you still have the right to sign off on communications made in your name.

3. Special treatment for senior execs' life events

What are your thoughts on special treatment (not gifts) for those at the very top of an organization? I was just given a card to sign for our VP, whose father recently suffered a heart attack. He survived and seems to be doing okay, but my grandboss is having our department sign a card for the VP saying we are sorry about her dad (I think that’s the sentiment?) and best wishes for a speedy recovery. It’s a nice gesture of course, but I know that if my own father were to have a heart attack (and survive), I certainly wouldn’t be getting a card like this, as a run-of-the-mill employee. I had another instance in a different department where it was the birthday of a member of the C-suite. My grandboss in that department announced it at a staff meeting (the birthday celebrant was not present) and told us we should all email the executive or stop by her office and wish her a happy birthday. This exec doesn’t know any lower-level staff members’ birthdays, nor would she be told to seek us out and wish us a happy birthday.

I like and respect both of the executives in these stories, but this special treatment makes me feel weird. Of course acknowledging the death of a parent, or a wedding or a new baby all seem appropriate but the two examples above seem a bit excessive. It feels as though my grandbosses have used their own positions of authority to compel their staff into putting on a show for the C-suite. But perhaps this is just a perk of the job for the execs?

Nah, it's weird and they shouldn't do it. It comes across as your grandboss being a little obsequious/currying favor with the C-suite, and it's a fairly rude message to send to the rest of you. If you're going to do group acknowledgements of life events, you've got to do them for everyone or for no one. (Or do them only for very unusual, extreme situations — like it would be fine to rarely do them, but decide to when someone loses everything in a fire, or so forth — but even then you need to be careful you don't then ignore the person with a different but equally horrible crisis six months later. Which is one reason why it sometimes makes sense to limit these to immediate coworkers only.)

4. Will getting relocation assistance affect my salary offer?

I am interviewing for an out-of-state position with a Fortune 500 company. I’ve gone through a few rounds of phone interviews and they are flying me in for an in-person interview and will cover the cost of airfare, hotel, and rental car. During the course of our discussions, they have mentioned that they also provide small relocation assistance. A salary range has already been discussed (I asked them the range on the initial phone interview and they provided one), but I’m curious if I should expect the lower end of the range. Should I get offered the position, do you think being an out-of-state candidate impacts the salary offer and do I have less negotiation power because of those factors?

No, typically that shouldn't be a factor. They should make a salary offer based on what your work will be worth to the company, taking into account market rates, and not on relocation assistance — in part because that salary needs to keep you happy (and retained) 10 months from now, and because your future raises will likely be based on whatever salary is set now.

If you were interviewing with a smaller company, it might be more of a factor (in part because budgets can be tighter and all of this can be less formal), but Fortune 500s that do relocation are typically set up to look at relocation as a separate thing from salary negotiations.

my friend might get fired, coworker spoke for the group without checking with us, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

when I asked for a raise, my boss said I was ungrateful and threw a tantrum

Posted: 20 Jun 2018 10:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

I am technically an independent contractor who gets paid an hourly rate, but I work exclusively at one company on full-time hours. I am one of the most prominent staff members, and am the only person that works this many hours here.

I recently had a contract signing meeting with my boss, which each employee has at the end of our year. It is the norm at our company to get a raise every year. I've worked there for 10 years now, and I’ve always received a $2 raise. Last year I received a $5 raise, which I was very grateful for. It was a year that I had been given extra responsibility and done well with it. This year, my boss had very little feedback for me and expressed that he was once again very pleased with my work. He then handed me the contract, which had no raise on it. He casually stated that since I had received a larger than normal raise last year, I should’ve known that that would mean no raise this year. He even went as far as to say that we had discussed that and I had previously agreed to it, which I know is untrue.

I calmly explained to him that I while I didn’t expect the same raise as last year, I did expect some sort of raise for a successful year of work. This is when all hell broke loose. He suddenly became enraged, red in the face, scolding me on how ungrateful and unappreciative I am, saying he does so much for us, says he feels taken advantage of, and even used the word "greedy."

I replied by thanking him for all that he does for his employees, but he wasn’t having any of it. I tried to remain professional and asked if I could take the contract home to mull it over and reschedule another meeting soon, and he clearly didn’t like that. He sat there giving me the death stare and answering with passive one-word replies. He actually took all three copies of that contract and shredded them in front of me, telling me I can look at last year’s instead. It is worth noting that he has been known to speak to employees like this before, but I have always been in his good books and never experienced it firsthand.

I was shaken by all this, and the next day I sent him a strongly worded email about how not getting a raise is one thing, but being spoken to so disrespectfully was another. He never responded. After a week I asked him for another meeting, where he was suddenly in a good mood and handed me my contract with a $2 raise. I signed it.

My question is, how do I move forward with him? Is there any salvaging of our relationship? Or is it time to make this my last year here?

Are you willing to keep working for someone who throws a temper tantrum, tears up documents, and calls you greedy when you ask for a raise?

That sounds like you're supposed to say "oh, no, of course not," but it's a real question. There might be enough other things about this job that you like enough that you're willing to accept this as part of the overall package. It's perfectly legitimate to decide, "Well, I'm working for a jerk, but I love the work, the pay is good, and I only have to deal with his bad behavior occasionally, so I'll stay."

But it's also reasonable to decide that you're not going to tolerate that.

And really, after 10 years, there might be a lot to gain by looking around at what else is out there anyway.

I do think it's interesting that when you stood up to him, he backed down and treated you better. But it's certainly not ideal to work closely with someone who requires that you push back on bullying before he'll treat you with respect.

You asked how to move forward with him and salvage the relationship, if you do want to stay. Frankly, I don't know that you need to do anything in particular. He's the one who lost his cool and flipped out, and he's the one who's now acting like nothing happened. If he wants to act like nothing happened, you could just let him do that (on the surface at least; internally, you've of course recalibrated your sense of who he is).

But if you feel that you need to address it in order to continue working with him … well, I think you'd be opening up a box of bees that might be better left alone. It sounds like you did say your piece in your email to him, and he took it in, based on his more conciliatory behavior after that. I don't know that there's much to be gained by trying to revisit it. It's possible that it could result in a constructive conversation about respect, but it's more likely that you will get stung by some of those bees. And I think you've made your point anyway.

By the way, you are almost definitely not an independent contractor, legally speaking. If you've been working for this employer full-time for years, you have no other clients, and you're getting employee-like performance reviews, you sound very much like an employee, not an independent contractor, and they should in fact be deducting taxes from your check and paying their share of your payroll taxes (as well as offering you whatever benefits they offer to full-time employees). You might not care — many people don't — but do be aware that they're almost certainly breaking the law in this regard and you could pursue that if you ever wanted to.

when I asked for a raise, my boss said I was ungrateful and threw a tantrum was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

the clingy coworker — and the return of the Ask a Manager podcast

Posted: 20 Jun 2018 09:25 AM PDT

The Ask a Manager podcast is back from hiatus … and I’m excited to announce that the show is now a part of the HowStuffWorks family (meaning they are producing and distributing the show).

This week on the show, I talk to a guest whose coworker wants a more intense friendship than she does. We talked about how to distance yourself from someone without seeming exclusionary, why setting boundaries is a two-step process, how to rewire a friendship, and more. The show is 25 minutes long, and you can listen on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever else you get your podcasts (or here's the direct RSS feed). Or you can listen right here:

If you want to ask your own question on the show, email it to podcast@askamanager.org.

And if you like the show, please subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen.

the clingy coworker — and the return of the Ask a Manager podcast was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

my employee isn’t respected by his coworkers — what can I do?

Posted: 20 Jun 2018 07:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

I was recently hired as a systems administrator and manager of a small IT department of three people, including myself. Both my reports have been with the company for several years, and are extremely knowledgeable about all of the systems here. Unfortunately, one of them seems to have much less respect from many other employees. We’ll call him Josh, the other tech Steven, and the previous manager Cory.

I was looking into an issue with a user when they made a comment that it had been ongoing for a while, saying “Cory looked at it, Steven looked at it, Josh looked at it. Josh doesn’t really count though.” Yesterday I was speaking to another user about a problem Josh might be familiar with and told them he was out for a few days, to which they responded, “Oh good.” They apologized a few seconds later, saying “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that” but it’s pretty clear that while I know Josh is technically competent, other employees of the company are either less confident in his ability or — what seems to really be the case — they simply don’t like or respect him and they are willing to make remarks to that effect directly to me.

What do I do, as a new manager who wants to defend and take care of my employees? I spoke with my director about the first comment a couple weeks back, and they acknowledged that it’s an ongoing problem, but didn’t seem to know what to do about it.

I wrote back and asked: Do you know what’s behind people’s feelings about Josh? Where did that come from / what’s causing it?

It seems to be a personality conflict. Based on the discussion I had with my director about the problem, Josh isn’t the best with people and can come across as condescending and as if he’s being inconvenienced by having to help them. At least one person has apparently expressed that he embarrassed them in front of a few others by implying (in front of everyone present) that the problem they needed him to fix was "stupid.” I haven’t yet had any conversations with Josh about the issue, but I can tell that he gets frustrated by people not being as knowledgeable as he expects them to be. I think it’s a problem all IT workers have to some degree, but the problem here is that his inside thoughts come out a little too much.

Aha! That wasn't the answer I expected! I had assumed Josh wasn't very skilled, and that people were making fun of him not being good at his job. Which would still be a problem, but a different one.

But in this case, it sounds like Josh is being … well, a jerk. And the remarks you're hearing are people saying "we don't like working with Josh because he's rude," not "we don't like working with Josh because he's incompetent."

So, to be blunt, I think you're looking at this from a slightly skewed perspective. This isn't really a personality conflict (where two people are behaving reasonably but just not getting along).

What you're seeing are big red signs that you have a serious Josh problem that you need to deal with. The problem isn't that other people don't respect him enough, or that you need to defend him. The problem is that Josh needs to change his behavior because he's interacting with people in a way that's not acceptable — which means he's not performing his job at the level that you need to require.

That means that you're going to need to have a serious conversation with Josh about how he treats coworkers. Before you do that, it might be worth collecting additional information from people who work with him regularly, so that you understand the full scope of the problem. You can do that by saying something like, "I've heard you and a few others joke about not wanting to work with Josh. I want to address whatever is going on. Can you tell me more about what's caused that?"

Then sit down with Josh, explain that he's coming across as rude to coworkers (being as specific as you can) and that it's making people reluctant to work with him, and explain what you need to see from him instead. You can use language like, “Doing well in this role requires having good relationships with colleagues, and if people are reluctant to approach you, it will impact your success here. I want people to walk away from their interactions with you thinking of you as a helpful resource who they'd be glad to come back to." (More advice on doing this is here.)

Your instinct that part of your role as a manager is to take care of your people and to intervene if they're being trash-talked is a good one. But you've also got to look at the situation more broadly and ask where the trash-talking is coming from and why. Your employees won't always be the ones in the right; sometimes the talk you hear will be an indication that there's a problem you need to address with the employee themselves. And that's what's going on here.

But once you address this with Josh and are staying actively engaged to make sure he's working on the problem, then you'll have standing to say something to others when you hear anti-Josh comments. At that point, you can say things like, "I'm actually working with Josh on that. Can I ask you to give him another chance, with an open mind? If you still run into problems, I'd like to hear about it so I can address it — but I'm hoping you'll give him another shot."

(Of course, you can’t credibly say that if people don’t then see real changes in Josh, or if you don’t act with more seriousness if the problems continue.)

my employee isn’t respected by his coworkers — what can I do? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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