“I was rejected for a job I was qualified for, a coworker in a beach cover-up, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

I was rejected for a job I was qualified for, a coworker in a beach cover-up, and more
how do I handle changing my name and job because of a stalker?
how can I avoid my boss on social media?
my coworker never stops talking — and I mean NEVER

I was rejected for a job I was qualified for, a coworker in a beach cover-up, and more

Posted: 19 Jun 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I was rejected for a job I should have been interviewed for

I recently applied for a job that I knew I should at least get an interview for at a community college. I met the minimum requirements or I wouldn’t have applied for the job. When I got a letter saying I was rejected as I didn’t meet the minimum, I was shocked. I wrote back to the hiring manager, copied in the verbage in the job post underlining my qualifications, and asked her to confirm that there had not been some kind of misunderstanding of my qualifications.

Is that a viable way to approach it such a mishap?

No, you shouldn't do that. I get that you’re being thrown off by the wording in the rejection letter saying you didn’t meet the minimum qualifications, but that’s most likely a badly worded form letter rather than an opportunity to point out “wait, yes I do.”

Since it sounds like you assumed you’d at least be interviewed: Keep in mind that meeting the minimum qualifications for a job isn't enough to guarantee that. There could 100 applicants who all meet the basic qualifications, and they're not going to interview all of them; instead, they'll pick the top few most qualified — which could mean 95 qualified people aren't getting interviews. Plus, there are of lots of other reasons you might meet the qualifications and not be interviewed — a weak cover letter, a spotty work history, a resume that isn't particularly compelling, and lots more. More than anything, though, the thing to remember is that you're competing against other people, and no matter how strong a candidate you are, if enough other people are stronger, you probably won't get interviewed.

So if you get rejected, don't assume it was a mistake that needs to be remedied. Assume that other people appeared to be stronger. Don't try to contest the decision, since that make it seem like you don't understand this, or that you're pushy and difficult to work with — and either of those options will make them less likely to want to interview you in the future.

2. My office is implementing summer hours very badly

My office recently decided to implement summer hours for the first time. We would add an extra hour Monday through Thursday, and then have half days on Friday.

We were told today that these hours would begin next week. This is an issue for quite a few people in our office. Some have children and now have to revamp their childcare plans on incredibly short notice. Other employees have made commitments to outside organizations and are now going to have a difficult time meeting those commitments.

We also have other offices that will not be implementing these hours. I’m concerned that when these offices have issues, we’re still going to be expected to drop whatever we’re doing and take care of those. My boss also mentioned that sometime some hourly workers may be working overtime and some of us may have to just stay a couple hours to help out. This is not going to go over well, and essentially means that some of us (salaried exempt) will have to plan like we’re on call and be unable to do anything with these half days.

I did ask about how flexible these hours were, and the answer was not at all. I’d like to know what to say when we’re asked to stay late and cannot because we have other obligations on Fridays, and what I can do to make this easier on my employees who have made other commitments that they now cannot fulfill (I have no power to let someone leave early or adjust hours on a regular basis).

Summer hours are supposed to be a perk, not a burden. This is being implemented horribly. The lack of notice, the inflexibility, the lack of thought about people who have kids or other commitments outside of work, and the apparent lack of consulting with the people affected before announcing it — all very bad.

Your best bet is to get a group of coworkers together and push back on this as a group. Say that you appreciate the attempt to offer a perk, but this is actually making your work lives worse, not better, and explain why. Ask if the plans can be revisited, or if they can be optional rather than mandatory. Who knows if they'll agree to take another look at this or not, but there's strength in numbers and it's harder to ignore a bunch of people all speaking up together than it is with push-back from just one or two people.

3. Company is asking about my "dream job" in my self-evalaution

I am staring at my employer’s self-appraisal form and I have some concerns. Background: I work for a media company that has been doing a lot of acquiring and has not been giving raises since my little cog in the wheel was acquired more than two years ago. An employee satisfaction survey last year told them we were none too pleased with that and flagged other areas of concern. Earlier this year, we were told there would be merit increases after the performance evaluation process.

Well, the process is upon us, and in response to the morale-related issues they distilled from the employee survey, there are some truly bonkers questions:
“What talents, interests, or skills do you have that we haven’t made the most of?”
“Is there anything you’d like to change about your job?”
“What’s your dream job, and what can we do to support your progress toward it?"

Why would I tell a company that hasn’t given raises in two years how they can squeeze more out of me? Why would I tell corporate what I would change about my job or what other job I want when raises are on the line here? Some of these would be valid one-on-one conversation topics with a manager, but as a part of the company-wide, HR-initiated evaluation process it seems like we’re in an impossible position here. I like my job just fine, feel I am succeeding, and I would like to be compensated with a merit increase. How do I navigate this?

Those aren't really bonkers questions, particularly the first two! The third one, about your dream job, is one that a lot of people aren't going to feel comfortable answering, and rightly so (if you're an accountant and your dream job is to be a circus performer, it does you no good to let your employer know that). But the first two are reasonable things to inquire about. It's not necessarily about squeezing more out of you; at least in many companies, it would be about giving you opportunities to grow in areas that interest you (if they make sense for the company as well). They want you and your manager discussing that as part of the evaluation process because managers should be having those conversations.

Still, though, if you don't care to share your answers, it's fine to go with vague answers like "Nothing comes to mind" and "No real dream job — I just want to continue progressing in the role I'm in."

4. My coworker wears a beach cover-up as a dress

I have a coworker who often wears a bathing suit cover-up to work in the summertime. Our department does tend to be fairly casual, but we interact with the public and a few coworkers have commented on it to me. (We are on the same level and report to the same person.)

I have to assume she doesn’t know it’s a cover-up and she thinks it’s a dress. She doesn’t take criticism well and the two of us have butted heads a few times in the past. Is there a tactful way to let her know that she might want to rethink this one?

If you're not her manager, I'd leave it alone. Her manager is the one with standing to address it. If you're a peer, it's really not your business — and it especially doesn't make sense to try to take this on if you already know she doesn't take criticism well. Someone who's not you is being paid to address this kind of thing (true, they don’t appear to be doing it, but this isn’t yours to deal with).

5. Handling email build-up during maternity leave

I work at a tiny organization (three people total) but we do a ton on work with outside clients and venues. Almost everything is over email. I’m pregnant are planning to take about two months away from the office. My coworkers are incredibly supportive. We were already planning to hire a part-time person but now have increased their responsibilities and are divvying up my other tasks. The pregnancy has brought to the surface lots of my own fears around work and responsibilities — it’s scary to image stepping away for this long but I’m getting there. I still have some time before leave and plan to make the most of it. What I can’t wrap my head around is my email and the backlog that’s going to be waiting for me when I return. I’ll have an out-of-office up, but it’s our practice to cc each other on lots of correspondence and usually, it’s an excellent system. But the item of coming back to thousands of email is terrifying! I try to keep it under 10 unread email or less when I’m in the office. We work in the arts but our work is closely related to sales so we tend to be very responsive — an email is usually responded within the same day so email requests expire quickly.

Any ideas or tips on dealing with email backlog? Do I just hunker down and read through everything when I come back? Do I ask my coworkers to leave me off anything that’s not extremely pressing and then give a recap when I return (which would also be time consuming on both ends)? We do keep a running database on our clients but it’s no where as detailed as our email correspondence. I’m sure we’ll figure an imperfect solution out but I’d love to hear ideas for you or your readers?

Good lord, do not ask to continue being cc'd on everything while you're away! That will be way too much email to come back to, and lots of it will be things that are already resolved and that you don't need to review when you're back (especially if you're in an office where things are generally handled within a day).

People on maternity leave typically aren't expected to read every email that was exchanged while they were gone. You don't need to relive every single thing that happened during that time — you probably only need to know about 10% of it, if that. So yes, ask your coworkers not to cc you on anything other than extremely important things that you'll absolutely need to be in the loop on when you return — and those should be the exception, not anything that's happening daily. When you come back, ask for a recap of highlights — but just highlights, not the complete blow-by-blow. That's reasonable to ask for and will probably be less time-consuming than you think. (And it will be a huge favor to yourself not to return to masses of email, and a favor to your coworkers to trust that they'll have kept things running smoothly in your absence.)

The trouble is that I work at a public college. This means that if a fan were to Google my name and my city (because of my work, that’s rather easy to put guess), that fan could not only find out very quickly where I work, but also my legal name as that is what IT uses when they create staff email accounts. Now, because this information is so easily found, fans have spread the word across several sites that I’m a librarian, along with the city I work in.

What this all amounts to is that I receive fan letters in my work email, and a few more daring fans have actually come to my library in the hopes of having some face to face time. I typically don’t respond to emails as I don’t want to encourage others to contact me at work (also, I’m a state employee so all of my work emails are public record). When people randomly show up, I explain as politely as I can that I’m at work and I’m not really allowed to conduct personal business on state time. Most of these fans are pretty understanding and just ask if they can see me at an upcoming convention.

One fan, however, has taken things too far. This young man not only showed up to the library job I worked while I was voice acting, but he has continued to come to every library I’ve worked in since then. It started with him coming by my library to try to chat, and when I told him I couldn’t do that on work time, he would wait outside and follow me to my car to try to talk. After several weeks of trying to duck him on foot, I asked our public safety officer to tell the young man to stop. He did stop following me to my car and instead waited in the parking lot in his own car and follow me as I drove away.

I would try to lose this young man in traffic, but if that didn’t work, I would drive to grocery stores or gyms far away from my apartment. Nevertheless, he found out where I live (I don’t know if he finally followed me home without my noticing, or if he used my license plate number and my legal name to find me). He started sending flowers, candies, stuffed animals, and other little gifts to my apartment.

At this point, I contacted the city police. They said they couldn’t do anything about this young man because he hadn’t made any threats and he wasn’t personally delivering the gifts — he just had them shipped to me. They suggested I inform my property manager and ask that the office no longer accept deliveries for me.

Around this time, I was offered a job in “Gotham City” about two hours away, but still in the same large metropolitan area. I accepted the job and moved, but this fan followed me. He started showing up at my new job, emailing me, and sending flowers to my office. My new job required visitors to check in before being allowed through a security gate, so it was much easier to keep him away from my office. I alerted campus police and they eventually trespassed the man, though he continued to email and send me things at work.

I’ve since moved to another job in Gotham City that is much more in line with what I want to do as a librarian. I am now an instructor and I assist students one on one at the research desk in the library. All was well for my first six months, but my stalker found me again. The same behavior has continued, but to avoid being trespassed, this man enrolled in one lab class so that he would be a student with official business on campus. Because they can’t block a student from using the library, the campus police suggested allowing him to use the library only while I am not on duty. While that sounds fair, it means I’ve had to give this man my work schedule so he knows when he can’t come in.

Also, flowers and gifts have started arriving at my new apartment, which tells me this man again knows where I live. I went to the Gotham City police but they said the same thing as the other city’s police department: they can’t do anything until he makes a threat.

In the library world, it’s perfectly normal to leave a job when you finish your degree as I did. And it’s also perfectly normal to only stay at that first post-grad job for a year or two, which I did. I’ve been in my newest position for about eight months now and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with the stress of having a stalker.

I’d like to move to a new job far away from Gotham City and change my name (or at least go by a different nickname at work so my email address will be different). I’m curious as to how I should go about this. Do I choose a new nickname now and use it on my application materials? If so, do I tell all my references that someone may call asking for a reference for "Samantha Smith” instead of “Katy Smith"?

(I’m hoping to avoid legally changing my name if I can. I’d like to try simply going by a different first name to see if that, combined with moving far enough away, would put a stop to things. I think my last name is so common that people generally wouldn’t be able to find me with that alone. My middle name would be an option, or at least a variant of it.)

And what do I list as my reason for leaving my current job? For academic librarian positions, you typically have to fill out an application in addition to submitting a resume, and there’s usually a character limit in the “reason for leaving” field. The term “stalker” gets thrown about frequently in the library world as everyone has had to deal with an overly-attached patron at some point. How do I explain that this one is legit, and that’s why I’m leaving my current position (which I love) after less than a year?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! This is really horrible and scary.

You could indeed start applying with the new name now, and just give your references a heads-up about what's going on. And so that you don't have to rely on all your references remembering, you could include a note on your list of references saying something like, "Note that these references know me as Katy Smith, my legal name. I've recently begun going by Samantha, my middle name.")

Another option is to apply using your current name, but once you have an offer, explain that you're in the process of changing your name because of a stalker situation and that by the time you start with them, you'll be going by Samantha Smith instead of Katy Smith. (As far as precise timing, don't wait any longer to say it than the conversation where you accept the offer. That's because as soon as you accept, they may start getting you into their system with the old name, and it can be weirdly hard to get some employers to change that.)

As for what to list for a reason for leaving, you can just list "moving." That's actually true — you are in fact moving, and your application doesn't need to get into the reasons why. (Just like if you were moving because of a divorce or a desire for warmer weather, you'd still just list "moving," not "divorce" or "it's too chilly here.")

You might be asked in the interview about why you're moving, and you have two choices there: You could give an answer focused on why you're interested in moving to the area of the country where the new job is (like "I've realized I want to be closer to family" or "I really wanted to find work in Oregon before I get much more established in my career, because I want to live in this area long-term"). Or you could be honest: "A few years back, I worked as a voice actor and a fan from that time has been stalking me. I've decided to change my name and move away." Since you're worried about the way the term gets used in the library world, you could add, “I know there's always some risk of patrons with unhealthy attachments in this field, but this was different than that.”

Of those two options, you're probably better off with the first. With the second, employers will still want to know why their area, so you might as well jump straight there — and I worry that the details of the situation will distract them from what you want them focusing on.

But we also have to balance that against the reality that employers may worry about you leaving the job after a relatively short time, and explaining the stalker provides context for that — so they both have their advantages and disadvantages. Because of that, you might just go with whichever you're more comfortable with, and whichever you're going to be more confident explaining in an interview.

I hope this all gets settled quickly and easily, and that you have much more peace ahead of you.

You know how they say if a shark stops moving they will die? Well that's my coworker, but with talking. Our cubicles are right across from each other and every morning before I've even had a chance to put my bag down, she is in my cubicle bitching about her morning or telling me some story about her kid. I try to sneak in and avoid saying "good morning" because I don't want to set her off, but it's like she's got Spidey senses. Whenever she starts with one of her stories, I just go on about my business and completely ignore her, or I give her a blank stare. I honestly think she doesn't care that I have no interest in anything she has to say because I have tried everything to get her to leave me alone:

• There was a moment when we first started working when I completely lost my cool and told her to stop talking and get out of my cubicle. To which she responded, "Oh, okay. But I'll be back later!"

• I specifically bought those giant Beats headphones in an effort to prevent her from talking to me. But that did not stop her. She still knocked on my cubicle wall or desk or waved her hand next to my face to get my attention. Once I took off my headphones she would start telling me a story about her cats or something equally as random!

• I will tell her if I'm not interested in a topic, but then she just starts her ramblings like, "I know you're not interested in baseball, but let me tell you about the game last night."

• If I tell her I'm really busy and keep my back towards her, she will not walk away until after she has finished telling her story.

To make matters worse, we sit near two supervisors’ offices. Not only does she talk a lot, but she is so loud and is constantly swearing. Our supervisory team has sent out emails about appropriate office conversations and language, but it just doesn't get through to her. I have asked to move cubicles, citing the fact that I feel unproductive, but my requests have been denied, twice. (It's a corporate thing, I guess. Others have asked to move and their requests have been denied as well.)

Aside from the non-stop talking and swearing, there are other things that bother me about her. For instance, she will straight up yell at anyone (coworkers, programmers, supervisors) if they point out a mistake she's made. If I am asked to work on a special project she will stop by my cubicle several times a day to stare at my computer screen and go, "What's this? What are you working on? Well, I'm sure glad I don't have to do anything like this!" She also has a tendency to come into work sans bra (which she points out to everyone!) and wearing pajama pants and holey hoodies. We work in a government building, for crying out loud! This lady is in her thirties. Why can't she act like an adult?

I really like my job and have no interest in leaving, but I just don't know what to do anymore! The days she is not here are like a breath of fresh air. Please help me!

I wrote back and asked: Does she do this to everyone else too? Is there anyone who seems to have found a way to successfully fend her off?

She talks to me the most. I think it’s because we started on the same day, so we have that ~connection~. But she will find another target on days I’m not there. I can always tell who her victim for the day is because I will get a text from them that says, “Thanks for leaving me with crazypants.” Occasionally she will get to work early and bother whoever is there at that time.

The only person she completely ignores is the office grump. (This man will not acknowledge anyone, shuts the door on you even if you are two feet away, never attends an office party, etc.) But I could go an entire day without saying a word to her and she would still be in my cubicle.

I’m generally a nice person and my boss jokingly calls me “troublemaker” because it’s the complete opppsite of who I am. But I feel like this lady’s attitude is slowly changing my mentality and it’s killing me!

This sounds horrible.

You're probably hoping for a way to get her to leave you alone that doesn’t (a) require you having to be rude or (b) end in her hating you. I don't think there's a realistic solution that will give you (a), and there might not be one that gives you (b) either.

If you want to get her to stop, you're going to have to say and do things that are going to feel rude to you. That's not your fault — it's hers, for putting you in a position where that's the only thing that will work.

There's a glimmer of hope in this detail from your letter: “There was a moment when we first started working when I completely lost my cool and told her to stop talking and get out of my cubicle. To which she responded, ‘Oh, okay. But I'll be back later!'" Her response there was obviously ridiculous, but if I'm reading this correctly, she did in fact leave.

You need to do much more of that and much less of this: “Whenever she starts with one of her stories, I just go on about my business and completely ignore her, or I give her a blank stare." I totally get why you've resorted to those options, but they're not effective in getting her to stop. (They should be! But they're not.)

So, here are your strategies going forward:

* Be very, very blunt with like when you snapped at her. That doesn't mean yelling at her — you still need to be reasonably professional — but you can absolutely say "I need you to stop talking and leave my cubicle." Followed by, if necessary, "STOP TALKING. I'm working." That is going to feel incredibly rude — because it would be with anyone else. But it's not with her; it's the only thing that gets through to her. (Frankly, I'd argue you'd even be doing her a favor by being so blunt, because she's clearly not picking up softer signals that are in her best interest to pick up on.)

* Keep wearing your giant headphones. If she knocks on your desk or waves her in front of your face, say to her, "I'm working and cannot talk" and turn back to your work. If she keeps trying, say, "Please email me. I am busy right now." Keep the headphones on. If there's a fire, someone else will tell you.

* If she says something like "I know you're not interested in baseball, but let me tell you about the game last night," say this: "You're right, I'm not, and I need to focus on work so I cannot have you talking to me right now" and then turn back to your work. If she continues anyway, use the "I need you to leave" advice above.

* If you do all this and she keeps talking, stand up, look her directly in the eye, and say, "I told you I am working and I need you to leave. Please go now."

(This is the rudest advice I've ever given, and it's making me uncomfortable! But you've tried everything else, and so your choices really are to take this approach or to live with what's happening.)

You could also try a more big-picture conversation with her, although I don't have any idea if it will work because she's clearly not playing by rules any of us are familiar with. That would sound like this: "Jane, I'm really busy with work and I cannot get my job done when you keep coming over to talk to me. I need you to stop chatting with me during the day — not just sometimes, but completely. It's interfering with my ability to do my work. So from now on, if you come over to chat, I'm going to cut you off and ask you to leave. I'm sorry if that feels rude, but it's the only way I can get my job done."

If you do that, though, you have to really commit to cutting her off every time after that, because otherwise you'll be training her to believe that you don't really mean it.

Also, this is bad enough that you should be talking to your boss about it. As in: "I'm having a real problem with Jane continually trying to socialize with me while I'm working. It's multiple times a day, and I've told her directly many times that I can't talk and she needs to leave, but she just keeps talking. It's affecting my ability to focus on my work, and I'm at my wit’s end. Since I've been quite direct and she's ignoring me, is it possible for you to intervene?"

You should encourage your coworkers to have this same conversation with their boss and/or Jane's boss. Every time they vent to you about Jane, suggest they talk to the person who can actually help — their manager.

The venting, by the way, is probably making this worse, since it means that even more of your time and mental energy at work is taken up by thinking about Jane. If nothing else, you might be happier if everyone cut that out or at least pulled way back on it.

And speaking of your own mental health, stop caring about all the pieces of this that don't directly impact you — like her yelling at other people and what she's wearing. There's enough of this that does affect you that you need to deal with that there's no point in taking on the rest of it too.

Good luck, and I wish you much silence.

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