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“client pressured me into buying lingerie, employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

“client pressured me into buying lingerie, employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback, and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager


client pressured me into buying lingerie, employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback, and more

Posted: 19 Mar 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My client invited me to lunch — and then pressured me into buying lingerie

I'm a freelance worker. One of my clients has been with me for several years, and I greatly appreciate her loyalty. Recently she put me in a very awkward situation, and I probably could have handled things differently, but I don't know how.

She invited me to have lunch with her and her friend, implying that the friend could become a prospective client. Well, to cut a long story short, that "friend" turned out to be a salesperson, and the two of them basically browbeat me into buying several hundred dollars worth of products that I don't want or need, that I'll never use, and that have no resale value whatsoever. (It wasn't an overt multi-leveling marketing scheme. It was lingerie, and I wasn't pressured to join their "great, once-a-lifetime opportunity" at all, perhaps because I don't look anything like a lingerie model. They just seemed strangely desperate to make a sale as quickly as possible, and I was was so desperate to get out of there that I didn't care what it took.)

Needless to say, I'm not going to be accepting any more lunch invitations from her. How could I have handled the situation differently (given that physically leaving was not an option, because we went there in her car)? I really was blindsided by the whole thing, and it has shaken my trust in her. I'm not even sure I want to keep her on as a client anymore. For what it's worth, I've heard similar stories from other friends and colleagues, and I'd always assumed that I was smart enough to never allow it to happen to me … until it did.

That was incredibly rude of your client — she took advantage of your relationship, and you'd be entirely in the right if you do decide you're not interested in maintaining one with her anymore.

As for what you could have done differently, usually the thing that keeps people from cutting off a sales pitch they don’t want to be receiving is they don't want to be rude — and that’s exactly what people like your client are counting on. Recognizing that can help you stand up to it.

And frankly, it's not rude to say, "I misunderstood the purpose of this lunch. I'm not interested in buying anything, so let's talk about something else." And if they continued with the sales pitch, it's not rude to say, "My answer is a firm no. I don't want to spend the rest of our lunch discussing it." But even if those things were rude to say (and they're not), they pale in comparison to the rudeness of what your client and her friend were doing. So it's entirely justified in that situation to be a little rude if you need to, in order to extract yourself! It also would have been fine for you to say, "Jane, I'm disappointed that you'd deceive me about the purpose of this lunch and I'm leaving now" and then get up and take a cab home.

2. My employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback

I have an issue with my direct report, "Fergus," who thinks that when someone thanks him for doing a task, that constitutes positive feedback. He forwards emails to me that read simply "thanks” with notes asking me to take not of the evidence of his fantastic work.

In the culture that we both work in, and have for many years, "thanks” means only that someone has recieved an email and does not relate in any way to the quality of the work, the timeliness of the response, or anything else. So by misinterpreting them, Fergus is getting an unfarily positive understanding of his work product. This is leading him to push back against the performance management that I am going through with him, becuase his work is in fact unacceptably poor. However, he gets very upset and defensive at the slightest criticism and often does not seem to take in negative comments. How do I explain that "thanks” and even “great, thanks” does not mean “well done,” in as effective and kind a way as possible?

"I've noticed that you've forwarded me many emails from people saying 'thanks.' That's an acknowledgement that you did a task for them, but it's not typically feedback on the quality of your work. However, if you have emails from people talking about the quality of a project you did for them, I'd love to have those."

You could add, "The sort of feedback that could show praise for your work would be things like if Jane commented on the thoroughness and accuracy of the report you sent her, or if Bob said he appreciated the nuance in the draft you wrote for him."

That said, he sounds unreasonable enough, and the issues with his work sound serious enough, that he may not get this, no matter what you say. So I wouldn't make your bar for success here "I find a way to convince Fergus of how poor his work is." Rather, your bar for success is "Fergus brings his performance up to a good level quickly or we transition him out." And if you haven't already, I'd be very clear with him about that so that he understands that this isn't a debate.

3. I interviewed with someone who hires "from a vibe”

I recently had an interview for a very competitive role at a high-profile company. The job description perfectly lines up with my strengths and passions.

The person who interviewed me would be my future boss if I got the job. We got along well and it was an easy-flowing, conversational meeting. He told me his strategy is to hire off of a vibe — that the work itself would have a very short learning curve for someone with my background. We spent most of our 30 minutes together talking about non-work-related topics such as music, pets, restaurants in town. When those 30 minutes were winding down, his assistant knocked to let him know the next applicant was waiting for him so he quickly asked me if I had any questions. At that point, I felt a bit pressured to rush through them!

I read the job description thoroughly, felt confident about my abilities to carry out the work, and enjoyed my time in the office, but I left the interview knowing next to nothing about the day to day functions, culture, or benefits. He told me they'd need to make a decision shortly and that works for me. There are no more rounds of interviews scheduled.

Is the casual nature of the interview a red flag in your opinion? If I got an offer, I would sort of be going in blind. Should I accept on good faith assuming there would be some training?

No, don't accept that on good faith! That's too important a thing to gamble on.

And this is a terrible way to hire; he's only learning about whether he has rapport with you and nothing about your skills or accomplishments or how you work. (It also makes it likely that he hires people who are similar to him — which can lead to really discriminatory hiring.) If you're interested in the job, you'll have to do the work yourself of figuring out if it's the right match for you, since he's apparently not going to do it. That means that if you get an offer, you could say something like, "I'm really excited about the role based on what I know so far, but we didn't get a chance to dive in much to the details of the work when we talked last time. Could we set up some time for a more in-depth call where I can ask you about the day-to-day work, the team, and so forth?"

4. Do I have to train my replacement when he's sick and contagious?

I am retiring after decades at my current position, having given generous notice and have a new hire showing up to get trained for one week only. Am I obligated to train the new person if he shows up stinking sick? There are flu and other viruses going around. It's even a battle trying to stay well in our workplace, despite a generous sick leave policy. But I will literally have this person sitting next to me. I promised my spouse a special vacation that we will be going on shortly after my departure. Am I obligated to sit next to someone who is coughing and sneezing because he is too scared to not show up to his new job knowing that he only has a one-week stab at me? Believe it or not, I know of two people in my circle of friends who have had this happen. I don't want to sound selfish, but I don't think my company's problem and the new person's problem shouldn’t be my problem. What are your feelings on this? Is there a protocol? We are a large company. We are numbers. But after decades of dedication, it's my opinion their problem should not be my problem. Or is it?

Before you try to opt out of training the person completely, are there  ways to do the training that don't require sitting right next to him? Can you work from separate offices while on the phone with each other? Can you screen-share? Think about what you'd do if he'd been hired in a remote office and you still had to train him — or if one of you had serious allergies to something about the other. Companies make this work in those situations, so if you think creatively, you might be able to come up with solutions.

Meanwhile, it's reasonable to say to your boss, "I feel terrible for Bob — he's very sick and clearly felt like he had to show up since it's his first week. But he's quite ill, and I can't risk sitting next to him all week while he's likely contagious. Here's what I propose instead…"

5. Boss okayed remote work and now is dragging his feet

I moved 300 miles in October to take a great new job. My husband told his boss at that time that I had moved and he would need to follow me. His boss came back with an offer to transition him into a role he could do remotely, with higher pay and a manager title. This sounded great at the time.

As of now, he does have the manager title and a little extra pay (though less than he was originally led to believe and salaried instead of hourly, so no overtime money), but he’s still in our last city because his boss can’t seem to let go. He’s basically still doing his old job because the guy they hired to replace him makes so many mistakes, and he’s been trained in his new jobs and is pulling his weight there as well. He told boss before Christmas that he wanted to move around now. Boss was evasive about giving a firm yes or no, so husband assumed it was fine and we gave notice on the apartment in that city that we would be out by the end of the month. Then, Boss said he wanted husband to stay for another three to six months! At this point, husband is no longer doing trainings, the vast majority of his work communications are by phone or email, and all of his work is on his laptop. I think that if his boss is saying that he can’t leave now, there’s never going to be a point when boss will say he can leave. I’m sick of doing the long-distance thing, and he’s even more miserable about it. I just don’t know how he should proceed to get out of this limbo.

How firm is your husband being with his boss? Ideally he'd say something like, "I've been relying on our agreement in October that I'd be working remotely by now. I've given notice on my apartment here and need to be out by the end of the month. I know you'd like me to stay longer, but at this point I do need to make the move. I'd like to plan on my last day in this city being (date). Can we move forward with that plan?" He could also say, "I've made a lot of plans based on the agreement we made last fall, and it's not possible at this point for me to change those."

But if the boss still drags his feet, that's a sign that your husband may need to look for a different job in your new city.

client pressured me into buying lingerie, employee thinks “thanks” is positive feedback, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

listing an unfinished novel as a work accomplishment on your resume

Posted: 19 Mar 2018 10:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

I’m a copywriter. It’s my first time hiring for a copywriter position.

I don’t want to be petty or unfair to applicants, but I don’t want to hear about people’s unfinished novels on their resumes or cover letters. In my opinion, it comes off as either immature, self absorbed, or really uninformed about the work (copywriting is really not at all like writing a novel, other than that they both use words). But is it wrong to reject applicants purely because they cite their unfinished novel as evidence of their writing skills?

If you complete the novel, even if it’s not published, I feel like that could rise to the level of a business accomplishment because it demonstrates dedication. But if you’re working on a novel for free (i.e. a publisher has not given you an advance), then that’s not really evidence that you can write especially well or even that you write regularly. There’s no deadline or editor that you’re beholden to.

I could see bringing it up in an interview when discussing culture fit or if you were looking for an editing position at a publishing house.

Am I missing something? I would love you know your take on this.

Full disclosure: I have about 150,000 words of my own unfinished novel but I don’t put it on my resume.

Yeah, it's not something that should go on a resume, for exactly the reasons you say. It's not evidence that you can write well, since there's no accountability to others involved. And that's not just because it's unfinished; you could have a finished novel, but if it's unsold, it indicates that you have stamina, but not much about the writing itself.

But I wouldn't reject an otherwise excellent candidate for including it on their resume. It would raise my eyebrows, yes, and I wouldn't be super impressed with their judgment in this regard … but if they had really strong experience and skills, those would outweigh it. On the other hand, if they kept citing it in the interview, that would be a fairly strong strike against them, because they'd be showing they didn't really get that it's not significant to the work of the job.

However, if the person didn't have other evidence of strong writing and editing skills, and offered up only the existence of a partially written novel as qualifications for the job, then yeah, that's a rejection — because the person isn't really demonstrating any qualifications in that case (assuming you want to hire people with experience and a proven track record).

listing an unfinished novel as a work accomplishment on your resume was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

my coworker is getting credit for my work

Posted: 19 Mar 2018 09:30 AM PDT

A reader writes:

I work for a medium sized company on a very small team. For all intents and purposes, it is just me and my colleague, “Joe.” Joe and I both started at the same time and work on the same types of projects. The similarities end there, as Joe is the type to take 2-3 hour lunches and surf the internet, while I am working hard only a few feet away.

About six months ago, Joe was assigned a very large, very visible project. He struggled to handle it, and I was quickly pulled in to help by management. As Joe would freely admit, I ended up doing a majority of the project myself. It was extremely important for the company, and a month or so later we both received employee of the month for our contributions.

Fast forward to today, when Joe revealed that he has been selected as company-wide MVP based, in significant part, on this project. I congratulated him, but I can’t help but feel betrayed and disheartened by this turn of events. I worked day, night, and weekends on that project to make it successful after he all but gave up on it. Since then, he has turned down several large projects while I have taken on significantly more responsibility, yet he is the one receiving awards.

Part of me wants to speak with my manager and ask why someone received an award based on my project, but part of me thinks maybe that would be viewed as petty. I am already looking for another job, mostly due to the fact that I often feel I am being overlooked and under appreciated, but this was still a big shock. Do you have any suggestions? Is there even any point in trying anymore?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I'm revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

my coworker is getting credit for my work was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

we give our interns free housing — and there are problems

Posted: 19 Mar 2018 07:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

I train and manage a team of young (22-25) paid interns who, as part of their compensation, have free housing in a shared living space owned by my organization. Recently, one of my female interns told me (in tears) that the male interns repeatedly use the word “bitch” in their shared living space, despite multiple requests from female staff to stop. This is not acceptable to me, and I am definitely going to address it.

How do I best approach these young men constructively without causing retaliation against my female interns? There’s no way for me to know about this unless I had been told, and I’m worried that it will become a bigger issue behind closed doors if I intervene. It also borders on controlling my employees’ behavior outside of work hours, so how do I make it clear that this is still a work-related issue even if they’re not “at work"?

You are bringing back terrible memories for me! Years and years ago, I worked for an organization that provided free housing for its interns — they purchased a huge old house, and had a staff member live there rent-free in exchange for making sure the house ran smoothly. For about a year, I was that staff member. (I was 25-ish and traveling all the time, so it seemed like a good deal! It was not.) I dealt with so much weirdness in that house, including having to talk to a guy who refused to flush the toilet for environmental reasons (not okay when you're sharing a house with eight other people in it), food thieves, a woman who tried to insist on total silence after 8 p.m., interns who thought I was their mom and would drive them places, someone who liked to pee outside, and so much more. And for some reason, they could not be trained to lock the door when they left — which resulted in the house being robbed a few months after I left. (And when the robber came in, they made him tea! They assumed he was a new intern. Then they all headed out, and when they came back, the "new intern" and all their electronics were gone.)

Anyway, your question.

You're providing living space and housing them with other interns; you absolutely have standing to insist that they not harass, degrade, or otherwise create a hostile environment for the other people in the house. You're right, though, that you can't address it without it becoming clear that someone reported it to you, but that's okay — because as part of addressing it, you can make it clear that any kind of retaliation against people for talking to you will be even more of a problem than the original behavior.

Say something like this: "While you're sharing living space with other interns, we expect you to be respectful. I've heard reports that you’ve been asked to stop calling people 'bitches' but you've continued. Can you tell me what's going on?" Then you follow up with, "It does need to stop. We have an obligation to ensure that the living space we're providing is livable for everyone in it, and we'd be legally liable as an organization if we heard people felt unsafe or harassed there and didn't act. In general, if someone tells you your behavior in the house is unwelcome, assume you need to cut it out — or come talk to me if you think you shouldn't need to."

Then say, "I hope this goes unsaid, but part of treating the other interns in the house with respect means that there can't be any retaliation against them for telling me what was going on. That's something we would take very seriously, to the point of reconsidering your internship here. Do you feel like you'll be be able to treat them normally and respectfully going forward?"

And then talk to the women who talked to you, let them know that you’ve addressed it and it shouldn’t be happening anymore, and that you want to know if there are any further problems. Tell them that you made it clear that it would unacceptable for anyone to retaliate against them for talking to you, and that they should let you know immediately if that happens.

You should also inquire more broadly about how things are going in the house — do they otherwise feel comfortable there and have there been any other problems? — and reiterate that if they feel unsafe or harassed in the future, they should come to you or another employee right away and you’ll help them, and it’s okay if they need to do that. In doing this, be open to hearing that they may not be super comfortable living with these dudes at all, and be prepared for the possibility that you may need to make changes there.

And then check in a few times with them in the weeks/months to come. People won’t always approach you when there are problems, so assume you’ll need to go out of your way to find out how things are going there and how comfortable people are feeling.

we give our interns free housing — and there are problems was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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